Tag: life

Something To Think About

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Everywhere we go, everything we set our eyes on, we immediately are greeted by someone trying to capture the moment on his/her phone. Am I that someone? On many occasions yes I am. I am guilty of spending too much time on my phone, of taking way too many photos, of wanting to share my daily routines with my friends. I can only speak for myself when I say I get a sense of joy out of sharing my simple yet pleasurable life with those I care about. Although, my social media is limited to mostly people I know well and looking back on my posts I truly feel that alhamdulillah Allah has blessed me with a wonderful life. I am a visual person and for me, looking back at my social media I am reminded to be thankful of how blessed I truly am.

However I’ve realized that in recent years and especially with the younger generations, taking pictures and sharing them has become a form of competition. A competition of who has the more lavish life, who has the most friends, who owns more brands and who travels more… so here I ask the question what has social media become to those people? Is it making them happier or is it making them more anxious? And the most thing I wonder about is has it truly become a competition?

Unfortunately today there’s a fine line between sharing and boasting. A fine line between having a good life and showing a good life. A fine line between what’s personal and what isn’t. It makes me sad sometimes to see that my culture that was honored by its conservativeness has suddenly become a spectacle for all to see on social media. Weddings have become spectacles, trips have become boastings, personal belongings have become something to show and compare with others. I fear that the happiness my social media gives me may in fact be making other people miserable.

So this is something to think about. What is social media to you? What do you think it is selling you? Are you gaining or are you losing with social media? What does your social media content reflect about you and has your life become a visual reminder to be grateful or has it become a spectacle displayed purely to compete? Think about it…

Why Me?

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When one of life’s misfortunes strike so many mixed emotions follow. It could be bad news, a financial struggle, health issues, loss of a loved one, failure at school or work… We’ve all been there and we’ve all had to battle some sort of misfortune… the list goes on…

At first the news washes over you like a gush of cold water, washing your entire body and soul with a sensation of shock and disbelief as nothing has prepared you for what’s happening. Your heart starts racing, beating like it could tear through your chest, your palms start sweating, your head becomes light, your breath becomes heavier and suddenly everything is spinning. The room, your thoughts, the past, the present everything morphs into one giant hurricane spinning around you as you try in vain to grasp whatever you can to avoid being blown away. Inevitably you start pondering about the unexpected misfortune while the questions start flooding in… How could this happen? Why did this happen? Why me? What did I do wrong? Am I being punished? And the worst question of it all is why isn’t it happening to somebody else? So many questions start rising as one starts reaching out for closure over what’s taking place. Fear and disbelief turn into anger and rage. You try to regain your breath you try to stop the spinning as you allow the calamity to wash over you… and then the tears start pouring… like the rain… slowly washing away at your broken soul.

Everybody talks about the misfortunes that come with life’s tribulations… No one talks about all the things you gain… No one talks about the realization of how strong you discover you truly are. There’s a strength in you that you never knew existed… Suddenly everythig becomes more clear. You learn who your true friends are as masks are suddenly shed away. You gain perspective of things; suddenly the matters that used to consume you like having a shortage of help, debt, missing a vacation, a messy home, stubborn children, a difficult boss, extra weight… all seem secondary. Nothing is troubling you as much as the tribulation taking place right now and everything else that used to trouble you in the past, all of a sudden seem so small.. Oh what you would give to go back to life before the tribulation. You learn how fickle life is, that there is no certainty except for the certainty of God Al Mighty and you become more pious. 

When I asked myself why me? What did I do wrong and is this a punishment I came to the realization that all the prophets who were almost as pure as the angels went through major calamities themselves… and that thought comforted me… perhaps I was being cleansed… perhaps I was gaining perspective… perhaps it was another reminder that this life is temporary and that nothing in this life truly belongs to us… It all belongs to God Al Mighty. The prophets in Islam and in many other religions went through several calamities and tribulations but were always protected by the Al Mighty so what makes us think we are any better with all our sins? 

If I can give one word of advice after what I’ve experienced it is to allow the feelings of confusion, the rage, the disbelief, the questions allow all of it.. allow the shock, allow it all to wash all over you and after you are done mourning and after your breathing stabilizes and your heart beat starts going back to a normal rhythm then you can ask the ultimate question which is this, What do I need to do to take care of myself in order to move forwards with this. How do I cope? How do I ask for help when I need it? Cause like it or not life, your family, your friends, time, they all move forwards, nothing is going to stop for your misfortune… True friends will sympathize, family will offer warm support but only you and you alone can truly lift yourself up and face the storm. You must rise above this misfortune. You must take care of yourself and make the best of the situation. You learn to return to God. At first it is inconceivable that there is a best to the situation. At first it feels like it’s the end… the end of everything. However something magical does happen… suddenly… and without expecting it everything else in life seems small… what you used to agonize about suddenly becomes secondary as now your entire focus is on the calamity you are experiencing and how to get through it. The magical thing is that you will make it through. You learn to relinquish control and surrender all to God and to trust God and trust yourself that you will get through it just as everyone around you has gone through theirs. Keep hopeful and enjoy living. Be more intentional about your life and choose to live in the present for this is the only thing you can control. Be grateful and thankful for the strength you never knew you had, for the lessons you are learning and for the small and the big pleasures in life that you once took for granted. You will get through this.

The good news is nothing lasts forever, the bad news is nothing lasts forever.

Measuring Happiness

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In our consumer driven, material pursuing world we are mislead into believing that success is measured by our career, wealth and social status. With time and since we were hit with covid I’ve come to realize that true success is measured by having faith, health, self acceptance, family bonds, friendships and the ability to enjoy the present. If careers were a measure of success then CEO’s would be amongst the happiest of people yet most times they are the most stressed. Often times in their quest to reach the top of their career ladders, they sacrifice their connections with their families and friends and are amongst the loneliest of people. If wealth was a measure of success then the wealthiest people would be the the most content but more often than not they’re the ones who suffer addictions and depression and are taken advantage of. If social status was a measure of success then presidents would be able to roam around their countries freely without worrying about their safety however wherever they go they are surrounded by guards and security and are abided by protocol and politics.

Sometimes it is the people with the simplest lives who are the happiest. People who have made the conscious effort to live in the present moment and enjoy it fully without worrying about the past or the future. Simple lives lived in nature using your hands to build things and make things and to cook your own food can bring true happiness. In a book I read called Ikigai a study was conduced on a large group of Japanese people who lived to be over 100 years old and still maintained good health showed that those people have lived a simple life full of purpose. They grew their own crops, tended their own gardens, sowed their own clothes and commuted by bikes or on foot to work regardless of how old they were. They were constantly moving and constantly creating with pleasure. Their sense of purpose was derived from doing most of their daily chores themselves regardless of how old they were. They led simple lives yet they lived it with joy excelling at whatever simple task they did wether it was cooking or farming or sewing.

So what if true success isn’t about how much money you make or what your position is in your career. What if it’s about the meaningful connections you make with others, how you care for yourself, the healthy food you intake and the choices you make to wake up every morning with gratitude doing what you do in life well and with pleasure. To live in the present moment and to realize that true happiness truly comes easier than you think from the simplest things in life… For me this was a true awakening.

A Year Older A Lifetime Wiser

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As I grow older I come to the realization more and more that the greatest achievements don’t lie in monetary materials but rather in emotional connection, quality time with loved ones and true healing and acceptance of oneself. Today I accept myself as I am. I will always be sensitive because I feel so deeply. I was once described as an antenna picking up other peoples emotions. Struggling with my own sensitivity and being prone to depression I always sensed other peoples struggles or joys. This is why I usually go the extra mile with people I meet even if we’ve just met. This didn’t necessarily work to my benefit as some people I went the extra mile with simply took advantage of it. I used to feel used and hurt however today I have no regrets. The people who took advantage of my kindness I still feel compassion towards for they display shortcomings. Happy and fulfilled people do not take advantage of others so for those who do I pray they heal from the need they have to use others. As for those who truly needed my sensitivity unconditionally I continue to have great relationships with them.

As I grow older I realized my sensitivity has also made me invest in some of the most truly wonderful friendships of all time. One of my biggest investments is the friends I made and the family I am surrounded with and sometimes as you grow older this is all you need. As I grow older I’m much calmer and much more attuned to myself. I no longer give myself fully to others nor share more than I should. As I grow so does my lack of need to be liked and accepted by everyone I know… like I read somewhere why do you want everyone to like you when you don’t like everyone yourself?

As I grow older I practice awareness and living in the present for the future is unknown and the past is gone so all you really have is the present moment. The present will be a distant memory so I learned to make the most of it. I spend more quality time with my children and with my parents as I learned that creating lasting memories with the people you love is an investment in itself when all you have left are the memories.

In your growth what have you learned and what do you practice?

What We Carry

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We all carry some kind of pain inside of us. Sometimes it is the loss of a loved one, a failure in a relationship, a betrayal by a close friend and so on… A lot of times life does let us down and the pain it leads to results in a low vibration which leads to a low emotion. Lately I’ve been unable to let go of some of what hurt me in the past. The pain still feels raw and all consuming. With time and self reflection I learned that it is not about letting go of the pain but about learning to carry it with us with grace. It is about accepting that there are things that hurt us in the past or continue to hurt us in the present and allowing ourselves to feel the pain fully rather then learning to suppress and surpass it. When you accept the pain as part of your journey in life and carry it with you instead of fight it you learn grace. The hurt and the depression it causes will always be there just like the joy and the aspirations will also be there. Just as life lets us down at times, life does also lift us up. So how do we deal with life’s downs and the low vibrations they cause while not allowing them to consume our lives? It is the belief that something better will come around the corner, just like the loss of a loved one a birth of a new loved one might happen, an honest relationship might follow a failed one and a friend with integrity might follow the betraying one. We can intentionally allow ourselves to feel gratitude and hope which offer a higher vibration which in turn leads to higher more positive emotions and outlook. So as we accept that the hurt will remain with us as part of our journey in life and that that is important for our wellbeing, we must also learn to envision a positive outcome afterwards. Instead of seeing pain and hurt as a drawback lets see them as experience, as a stepping stone that thickened our skin and made us wiser and more informed while we anticipate something better to come along the way.

Honor Yourself

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With the beginning of the new year 2024 I’d like to reflect on a matter that really resonated with me. During my readings and when I’m on social media I come across passages or videos that truly intrigue me. In one particular video I happened to scroll by, the speaker said that we should honor the promises we give to ourselves. We are always told that we must keep our promises to others but who ever thought that there are promises you must keep for yourself? The speaker said honoring the promises we make for ourselves means for instance that when we say we’re going to wake up early in the morning that we must make sure to commit to waking up early in the morning. Another example is when we say we’re going to exercise and stay fit then we should commit to working out and staying fit. On a daily basis we make promises to ourselves that we don’t honor however we make those same promises and commitments to others and we honor them. We tell our friends we will be meeting them for brunch and we make sure we do meet them and on time. We tell our bosses that we will meet the deadline and finish the project on time and we do meet the deadline and finish our work on time. We tell our parents that we will accompany them to their doctor’s appointments and we do that to show support. We tell our children we will reward them when they ace their exams and we do reward them. However when we make similar promises to ourselves we tend to slack, to procastrinate, to self sabotage. We press that snooze button on our alarm clock way too many times, we slack off when it comes to exercising, we list our New Years resolutions and don’t accomplish half of that list. In a wonderful book I’m reading called “Manifest” by Roxi Nafousi she talks about our subconscious self sabotaging us when we try to accomplish something new. When we try to manifest new goals we must come out of our comfort zone and that is threatening to our subconscious. Our subconscious would rather us stay where we are comfortable and familiar rather than explore new opportunities and ideas, thus we self sabotage. We tell ourselves we know nothing about businesses and shall fail that business prospect, that we can never lose that weight so why try, that our dream partner doesn’t exist so we settle for the familiar traumatic relationships and so on…

It is time to take those steps and keep our promises to ourselves the same way we keep them with others. We owe ourselves the same courtesy we so freely offer others. Once we honor the promises we give ourselves we will be better able to achieve all that we desire, we will become better people because before anyone else we are being honest and are sincere to ourselves. We will be filled with an abundance of satisfaction from being true to ourselves and from that feeling of abundance we can continue to honor everyone else in a better way too.

Without Warning

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It hasn’t been my best year but I learned a lot. The bad times teach us lessons and give us wisdom and the good times make us flourish but if there’s one thing I learned the most it is that life changes without any warning. No matter how prepared you seem life will still throw you off guard. That is why I say it time and time again to savor the good moments. To enjoy the good times fully while they last. To be present with your families and loved ones. To say goodnight and kiss goodbye and to never go to bed in conflict. To let your last words be words of love and care. To perform your prayers dutifully and to take care of yourself diligently. To be so full inside with self love and care towards yourself and others so when the not so good times come by you are self sufficient and self secure. Being self sufficient with self love and self care towards yourself and others makes you more capable in facing the challenges lying ahead whilst believing that this too shall pass. So take care of yourself and take care of your loved ones for life gives no warning.

How many souls went to bed at night and did not get up the next morning? If you knew it was going to be your last night how would you spend it? Life gives no warnings. So spend what precious time you have left making amends and taking care of yourself and your relationships for in the end what else matters? And always remember that the good times give us strength and the bad times give us wisdom. C’est la vie 🌷

Wishing you all a happy happy new year filled with plenty of good times!

40’s

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It was 2020 and during the heart of the covid pandemic that I blew my 40th candle. Social distancing and seclusion got me re-aquainted with my true, inner self. Was it the age or was it the situation that did that? I believe it was a little bit of both.

Today while I am in my early 40’s I must admit that I am loving this age. I’m at an age where I’m not too young to be naive or impulsive nor am I too old to feel feeble and inefficient. I’m just right. I’m not too old to pursue my hobbies and interests nor am I too young to be impatient and dependent. I’m at a stage of calm. A stage of self reflection and self discovery. In my forties I now fully appreciate and accept myself as I am even with all my flaws. In my forties I no longer participate in heated discussions and I no longer find myself lost in dramas for all I want is peace. I’m at an age where my bond with my children has reached a higher, most amazing level, a level of friendship and companionship rather than constant discipline and apprehension. Today I can truly call my children my friends even with all our ups and downs. My relationship with my husband too has become calmer and more balanced as I truly accept and appreciate him as he is knowing that we are all fallible.

In my forities I discover peace and serenity and joy over the small things before the big things. My early cup of coffee, my exercise, my readings and my faith. In my forties I make new hobbies, engage in healthy habits and learn new things. At my forties and for the first time in my life I put myself as a priority. It makes sense to me now why Allah had bestowed upon prophet Mohammed pbuh the gift of Islam when he was forty for this is the golden age of contentment and gratitude.

Yes I am grateful today for how far I’ve come. How much I’ve achieved mainly raising three amazing children and managing a home and a marriage. Today I can kick back and relax as I return to my readings and my self re-discovery. Would I want to go back in time and do things differently? Absolutely… there’s so much I could’ve done better. However we can only move forwards and in moving forwards I promise to improve, forgive and accept myself and where life and God have brought me. As life starts to slow down and become calmer at forty I fully accept and love the woman I’ve become.

That being said I would like to share a quote I loved and related to about being in your 40s it said “Life begins at 40, anything before that is just practice.” And practice it truly is!

The Awakening

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As I’ve gotten older, a little wiser, a little calmer, many things have and come into perspective. I’ve started to become more conscious and more aware of myself and of the unhealthy patterns and beliefs I grew up with. One of the major revelations was how I was an immense pleaser conditioned to believing that others always came first. That if I excelled and others were pleased with me then I was a good person worthy of love and if I didn’t then I failed and was inferior. These thoughts and beliefs that I grew up believing, wether consciously or unconsciously were in fact sabotaging and detrimental to my life.

Reflecting back at my childhood I start to recognize how that pattern of being a pleaser might have emerged. I was born in Cairo and when I briefly returned back to my home country I remember being picked on at school and amongst my extended family for having a funny accent and for not appearing too local. When I became a teen my father was relocated again and to a beautiful, small, Arab country in the North of Africa called Tunisia where I owe a big portion of my adolescent years. Throughout my education in Tunisia and even when I moved to Brussels to complete my high school I was almost always one of the only Arabs at school. It was compulsory for me to learn French and learning French made my life easier in both countries. One can say I had a well rounded and interesting upbringing immersed in wonderful different cultures, beautiful countries and lovely experiences. Today there’s a term for people like me raised abroads, picking up different cultures and traditions along the way; they call us ‘Third Cutlire Kids’.. So due to being raised in different counties, amongst people who were different from me, away from my home country and extended family I learned the hard way that if you weren’t friendly and accommodating you ended up with no friends and felt alienated.

I returned to finally reside in my home country the UAE in college. I was 18 and I struggled with my identity at first. Again there was a lot of re adaptation to learn. I was a wide eyed and curious girl yearning to finally fit in and feel like I belonged with those around me. Yearning to feel that I was finally home. It was ironic because living abroad I was perceived as being too Arab and being in my country I was perceived as being too western. My openness and friendliness that I needed to cope in my life abroad were met with reservation and skepticism over here. Thankfully I became blessed with a wonderful group of friends in college who helped me and supported me in fitting in. I still have a special bond with those friends to this day.

I got engaged while still in college and being young and in love I went out of my way to be everything my fiancée’s heart desired. I never had a brother and my father as much as he loved and spoilt me was always away on business. My fiancées protectiveness of me was flattering and I wanted to be everything to him… hence I became a pleaser even more. After college when things got overwhelming as they tend to when you’re still so young, still trying to secure a job, be a wife and raise a child I would go down shame spirals getting depressed. I felt that if I couldn’t do it all then I failed.. I never thought of myself as simply human.

When I went through rough patches that normal people went through in life I felt inadequate. My lack of confidence and lack of belief in myself started to reflect on my face and actions. I felt insecure around other women and I constantly doubted myself. I doubted myself as a woman, I doubted myself as a mother, I even doubted myself as a wife… today I understand that a big part of that was because moving constantly from place to place and then getting engaged and married soon after never really gave me enough time to grow and learn who I truly was. My colorful and rich upbringing became a distant memory as I constantly felt I had to comply. I became a hollow outer shell of the lively girl I used to be.

Today and after struggling for several years, after my children have grown and life has become calmer and more stable allowing me to sit and reflect on myself I share with you four imporant lessons I learned that have changed my life tremendously. Lessons and revelations that took me years to comprehend and here I shall summarize them for you.

First, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. God created us human, perfect amongst all our imperfections, knowing that humans are fallible. So let’s have more compassion on ourselves and on each other, perfection is an exaggeration.

Second, surround yourself with people who uplift you, who support you, people you can learn useful things from. I was blessed to have such people around me, people whose friendship continues to make me flourish. The company you keep is very important that the prophet himself pbuh gave careful advice as to who we befriend and whom we surround ourselves with as that truly does affect us.

Third boundaries. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. Boundaries are different from barriers. Boundaries express the will to honor and accept others while drawing the line that prevents them from negatively interfering or dictating your life.

Fourth and final revelation, being tolerant and respectful of others does not mean having to accept nor serve nor like everyone. You yourself can be the most perfect, most delightful peach and someone will still have a problem with peaches. This has everything to do with them not liking peaches and nothing to do with you. When you’ve reached that stage of maturity where you know, accept and love yourself wholeheartedly an abundance forms. This abundance will overflow from you giving you the capacity to love, accept and nourish others be it family or friends.

In conclusion to this month’s memoire on awareness and self reflection I remind you that life can be unpredictable and you will need your strength and your confidence to face this challenging, unpredictable yet still beautiful world. Knowing and having faith in yourself and in God unfolds the beauty and love around you. Life is a present so lets try to live it fully while resting assured that God is all merciful and all forgiving. In the morning when you wake up remind yourself of the wonderful human being that you are and of how far you’ve come and of how much you’ve learned and achieved. You are a fighter and you are a lover through all your ups and downs. Breath, draw a smile on your face and fill your heart with gratitude for you are as important and deserving of all the love and compassion and acceptance you so freely give to others.

Happy holidays, love and peace from my heart to yours.