Tag: pursuverence

To My Shining Star

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From the day you were born I knew you were special. We named you Noora and just like the meaning of your name you were always “Noor” which means light, shining and lighting up every room by your presence. A much sought out baby your big grey eyes searched mine intently as you wiggled and kicked in my arms full of life.

As the years went by I watched you grow into the beautiful young lady you are today. Sixteen years just flew buy… too quickly… too fast… Looking back I covet the beautiful memories we shared, the songs we created and the poems and the games we played. You aced school and was always the star of the class. At the young age of eleven we discovered your talent in crocheting and you created your very first crochet bunny all on your own. And then at the age of twelve you excelled in horse riding even when you had a serious accident falling head first off the horse, as soon as your condition permitted you were back on the horse determined to ride again full of bravery. You always persevered, never giving up. I am in awe at your strength. While most girls your age followed tick tock or spent hours on makeup tutorials, you were always learning and always creating charming things such as your picturesque artwork, your delightful handmade creations, your fascinating crafts and much more.

You’re a loyal friend and a good influence on those around you. Not only friends seek you but parents as well long for you to befriend their daughters. Noora you are a star, a light from God. You attract people and goodness wherever you are. So happy sweet 16 my love. May you continue to shine bright in every way I have no doubt that amazing things are in store for you as you continue to dazzle everyone by your greatness.

Without Warning

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It hasn’t been my best year but I learned a lot. The bad times teach us lessons and give us wisdom and the good times make us flourish but if there’s one thing I learned the most it is that life changes without any warning. No matter how prepared you seem life will still throw you off guard. That is why I say it time and time again to savor the good moments. To enjoy the good times fully while they last. To be present with your families and loved ones. To say goodnight and kiss goodbye and to never go to bed in conflict. To let your last words be words of love and care. To perform your prayers dutifully and to take care of yourself diligently. To be so full inside with self love and care towards yourself and others so when the not so good times come by you are self sufficient and self secure. Being self sufficient with self love and self care towards yourself and others makes you more capable in facing the challenges lying ahead whilst believing that this too shall pass. So take care of yourself and take care of your loved ones for life gives no warning.

How many souls went to bed at night and did not get up the next morning? If you knew it was going to be your last night how would you spend it? Life gives no warnings. So spend what precious time you have left making amends and taking care of yourself and your relationships for in the end what else matters? And always remember that the good times give us strength and the bad times give us wisdom. C’est la vie 🌷

Wishing you all a happy happy new year filled with plenty of good times!

40’s

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It was 2020 and during the heart of the covid pandemic that I blew my 40th candle. Social distancing and seclusion got me re-aquainted with my true, inner self. Was it the age or was it the situation that did that? I believe it was a little bit of both.

Today while I am in my early 40’s I must admit that I am loving this age. I’m at an age where I’m not too young to be naive or impulsive nor am I too old to feel feeble and inefficient. I’m just right. I’m not too old to pursue my hobbies and interests nor am I too young to be impatient and dependent. I’m at a stage of calm. A stage of self reflection and self discovery. In my forties I now fully appreciate and accept myself as I am even with all my flaws. In my forties I no longer participate in heated discussions and I no longer find myself lost in dramas for all I want is peace. I’m at an age where my bond with my children has reached a higher, most amazing level, a level of friendship and companionship rather than constant discipline and apprehension. Today I can truly call my children my friends even with all our ups and downs. My relationship with my husband too has become calmer and more balanced as I truly accept and appreciate him as he is knowing that we are all fallible.

In my forities I discover peace and serenity and joy over the small things before the big things. My early cup of coffee, my exercise, my readings and my faith. In my forties I make new hobbies, engage in healthy habits and learn new things. At my forties and for the first time in my life I put myself as a priority. It makes sense to me now why Allah had bestowed upon prophet Mohammed pbuh the gift of Islam when he was forty for this is the golden age of contentment and gratitude.

Yes I am grateful today for how far I’ve come. How much I’ve achieved mainly raising three amazing children and managing a home and a marriage. Today I can kick back and relax as I return to my readings and my self re-discovery. Would I want to go back in time and do things differently? Absolutely… there’s so much I could’ve done better. However we can only move forwards and in moving forwards I promise to improve, forgive and accept myself and where life and God have brought me. As life starts to slow down and become calmer at forty I fully accept and love the woman I’ve become.

That being said I would like to share a quote I loved and related to about being in your 40s it said “Life begins at 40, anything before that is just practice.” And practice it truly is!

Dark Revelation

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All my life I’ve been unsure of myself.. Gaining acceptance outwardly was imperative to me because I couldn’t accept myself inwardly. I masked my vulnerability and self doubt in makeup and designer clothes and the latest trends. Today I realize that my perfect physical appearance was a cover to mask my imperfect inner appearance. Not feeling comfortable with myself I went to extremes to make sure others felt comfortable with me. I gave every friend I knew the validation they needed to receive because I never received validation for myself. Someone once described me as a satellite receptor picking up signals of other people’s emotions and feeling them as my own. Other people’s struggles pained me as they reminded me of my own and I tried hard to help them through them. For me pleasing and feeling needed by others secured me a spot in their lives so I could escape mine. I feared abandonment, I feared rejection, I feared being left behind, that’s why I strived hard to make everyone else come first. My goal was to make everyone feel like their life was better with me in it.

Even as a mother and wife I doubted myself. I pushed myself to extremes, reading all the new parenting and relationship books and trying to apply all the modern techniques onto my life and home. Today there’s so much pressure in achieving a standard of perfection that anything else is seen as a draw back. I took on more than I could handle. I got burnt out and missed out on the enjoyment of just being present with my children and family. Like me, my children and my life had to look impeccable leaving all the messy business behind. Striving for perfection in my personal life was affecting my outer life. I couldn’t put on that perfect outer facade for long. The people closest to me saw my struggles and knew my imperfectionsand some of them even used them against me making me loath myself even more. I became defensive, irritable and guarded. I reached a point where I engaged in unhealthy habits of self harm, cause harming myself gave me a sense of control. It pained me that those who mattered to me the most couldn’t understand my struggles. I believed if those around me weren’t happy it was my fault especially when it came to the people I love.

So this months message is for anyone out there who makes it a duty to put others first. Those who were told growing up that they had to be the better person no matter how much they were wronged by others. To those who were raised to believe that to be worthy of love one had to be compliant and obedient living up to the expectations of others. To those who blame themselves for failed relationships, loss of loved ones and other people’s dissatisfactions. Those who had to be strong under extreme pressure and were only noticed after falling apart.

Sometimes it is during the darkest moments in our lives that a revelation occurs. Sometimes things need to breakdown for better things to be put together. Things start to become clearer and you see the self destructive habits you engaged in as a coping mechanism.

If you are someone seeking outward validation from others, unsure of your own worth, accepting less than you deserve while presenting a false facade of perfection you are not alone. I hear you, I know you, I am you. When you crumble and feel that no one can lift you up, trust yourself first that you can do it. The world doesn’t stop at your suffering your suffering is what stops your world. It’s time to give yourself the love and validation that you so freely give to others and the only apology you owe is to yourself for putting yourself last. Those who claim to know more about your life telling you that you’re not trying hard enough or aren’t doing things right haven’t lived your life nor felt your pain. Forgive those who hurt you cause more often than not they are hurt themselves and are perpetuating that cycle on to others. Please stop hiding behind expensive clothes and fancy cars because “you” are worthy enough without those extra touches. Know this, the world is a better place because you are in it. May the gentle all mighty God who bestowed only the best upon us guide us to regain the parts of ourselves we lost living in fear and doubt.