Tag: mental-health

Vulnerability, Strength or Weakness?

Published on by ohlala80Leave a comment

What is vulnerability and is it a sign of strength or weakness? Vulnerability to me is the ability to reveal or share parts of ourselves that may lead to judgement directly impacting our sense of being. For many, showing ones vulnerability may be perceived as a sign of weakness however the intent on showing ones vulnerability in itself, in my opinion, is the greatest form of strength. Vulnerability is a form of sharing, bonding and mutual understanding, the experience of exposing and experiencing those very sensitive parts of ourselves and to be willingly open to judgement or criticism requires great strength.

Being vulnerable with your loved ones opens opportunities for communication, bonding and acceptance. Vulnerability isn’t just about sharing your emotions. It’s about sharing what’s deep within, even at the risk of being rejected. Vulnerability is something we tend to ignore in our day-to-day life, however, without it, we miss the core to our being. We miss our authenticity.

Vulnerability doesn’t only center upon feelings and emotions it is also about sharing achievements, milestones and experiences. To be brave enough to take that fist step wether it is in your career or in an important life decision, to share your accomplishments and be open to criticism. Vulnerablility strengthens us as human beings as it makes us authentic sharing parts of ourselves and our lives that might feel too delicate to share.

Just like a job, a test or an achievement it’s not always going to be easy. Sometimes one worries that exposing our vulnerabilities may be used against us, that we will not be loved the way we want to be loved if we were authentic, however it requires confidence and a strong belief in yourself to share your vulnerability.

In today’s society we are conditioned to mask what may be  perceived as weaknesses, however, these weaknesses, such as fears, our dreams and aspirations are the essence to our being. A lot of people today are hiding behind that mask, afraid of revealing who they truly are. Social media, job titles, statuses are all masks we tend to hide behind to mask our vulnerability. Sharing this post is a an act of vulnerability. How my posts are regarded and perceived is a form of vulnerability. You must be brave enough to take that first step towards vulnerability or forever remain confined in the same dilemma of living an inauthentic life.

Measuring Happiness

Published on by ohlala80Leave a comment

In our consumer driven, material pursuing world we are mislead into believing that success is measured by our career, wealth and social status. With time and since we were hit with covid I’ve come to realize that true success is measured by having faith, health, self acceptance, family bonds, friendships and the ability to enjoy the present. If careers were a measure of success then CEO’s would be amongst the happiest of people yet most times they are the most stressed. Often times in their quest to reach the top of their career ladders, they sacrifice their connections with their families and friends and are amongst the loneliest of people. If wealth was a measure of success then the wealthiest people would be the the most content but more often than not they’re the ones who suffer addictions and depression and are taken advantage of. If social status was a measure of success then presidents would be able to roam around their countries freely without worrying about their safety however wherever they go they are surrounded by guards and security and are abided by protocol and politics.

Sometimes it is the people with the simplest lives who are the happiest. People who have made the conscious effort to live in the present moment and enjoy it fully without worrying about the past or the future. Simple lives lived in nature using your hands to build things and make things and to cook your own food can bring true happiness. In a book I read called Ikigai a study was conduced on a large group of Japanese people who lived to be over 100 years old and still maintained good health showed that those people have lived a simple life full of purpose. They grew their own crops, tended their own gardens, sowed their own clothes and commuted by bikes or on foot to work regardless of how old they were. They were constantly moving and constantly creating with pleasure. Their sense of purpose was derived from doing most of their daily chores themselves regardless of how old they were. They led simple lives yet they lived it with joy excelling at whatever simple task they did wether it was cooking or farming or sewing.

So what if true success isn’t about how much money you make or what your position is in your career. What if it’s about the meaningful connections you make with others, how you care for yourself, the healthy food you intake and the choices you make to wake up every morning with gratitude doing what you do in life well and with pleasure. To live in the present moment and to realize that true happiness truly comes easier than you think from the simplest things in life… For me this was a true awakening.

Depression And The Modern World

Published on by ohlala80Leave a comment

This month I talk about a matter that I see as a pandemic in the world today. This month I tackle a subject that I’ve been wondering about and struggling with for a long time. This entry is about the subject of depression. I want to talk about depression because I’ve noticed a rise in the condition in the world today. One would think that with all the technological advancements and urbanized modern day living, life would be easier and people would be happier but that is not the case. In this entry I focus on nourishment, urbanized living and social media as the leading causes of depression.

If we look at the past, people lived with less processed food and more natural produce. Eating was cleaner and men and women hunted and gathered their nourishment themselves rather than bought store preserved products. Food today is genetically modified, chemically preserved and lack the nutrients needed for our health. Today as well, populations are increasingly overfed, malnourished, inactive, sleep deprived, socially isolated and sunlight-deficient. Today urbanized living and lack of proper nourishment are a leading cause of depression.

There seems to be a correlation between modern urbanization and depression. Rural inhabitants exhibit less symptoms of depression perhaps due to their simpler lifestyles. Rural areas are marked by their tranquility, open spaces, and closeness to nature. Natural beauty and peace prevail in rural areas and living there offers an escape from the hustle and bustle of the city. It is also more affordable living in rural areas which offers more financial flexibility as opposed to the higher cost of living in the city. Living in the city requires a higher income to sustain an adequate lifestyle which is a huge form of stress that can lead to depression.

Thirdly today, social media is a leading contributor to depression. Social media has made life about the individual rather than the collective. We as humans are meant to live as clans and tribes supporting each other and working as a collective. Social media on the other hand has unequivocally made people focus on themselves and themselves alone. The platforms are designed to be addictive and popularity is misconstrued by being measured by the number of views and likes one gets per post. Today success is measured by who’s food recipe got the most feedback and who’s new vacation got the most comments and who’s post got the most likes and who has the most followers. Social media despite having some pros has unquestionably led to narcissism. Today validation is seeked over the internet as opposed to real life meaningful connections. The term Fomo emerges; “Fear of missing out” one fears that if they do not engage in social media as others do that they’ll miss out on connections, trends, news and much more, leading to more fear and anxiety and eventually depression. One of the primary ways social media contributes to depression is through social comparison. Users often compare their lives to the thought-out representations of others that they encounter online. We need to take a step back and look at the effect technology has on our society in terms of people needing instant gratification by indulging in social media rather than interacting with the real community. Children and teens especially are losing the social skills required to create meaningful true relationships with others as they are constantly receiving the false dopamine hit engaging online.

May we educate ourselves and become better observers to these factors that are contributing to the rise of depression in our world today. Eating nutritiously, living a simpler life, and disengaging from social media may create a drastic positive impact on our mental healths. A small ripple of change can offer great rewards.

A Year Older A Lifetime Wiser

Published on by ohlala80Leave a comment

As I grow older I come to the realization more and more that the greatest achievements don’t lie in monetary materials but rather in emotional connection, quality time with loved ones and true healing and acceptance of oneself. Today I accept myself as I am. I will always be sensitive because I feel so deeply. I was once described as an antenna picking up other peoples emotions. Struggling with my own sensitivity and being prone to depression I always sensed other peoples struggles or joys. This is why I usually go the extra mile with people I meet even if we’ve just met. This didn’t necessarily work to my benefit as some people I went the extra mile with simply took advantage of it. I used to feel used and hurt however today I have no regrets. The people who took advantage of my kindness I still feel compassion towards for they display shortcomings. Happy and fulfilled people do not take advantage of others so for those who do I pray they heal from the need they have to use others. As for those who truly needed my sensitivity unconditionally I continue to have great relationships with them.

As I grow older I realized my sensitivity has also made me invest in some of the most truly wonderful friendships of all time. One of my biggest investments is the friends I made and the family I am surrounded with and sometimes as you grow older this is all you need. As I grow older I’m much calmer and much more attuned to myself. I no longer give myself fully to others nor share more than I should. As I grow so does my lack of need to be liked and accepted by everyone I know… like I read somewhere why do you want everyone to like you when you don’t like everyone yourself?

As I grow older I practice awareness and living in the present for the future is unknown and the past is gone so all you really have is the present moment. The present will be a distant memory so I learned to make the most of it. I spend more quality time with my children and with my parents as I learned that creating lasting memories with the people you love is an investment in itself when all you have left are the memories.

In your growth what have you learned and what do you practice?

Honor Yourself

Published on by ohlala80Leave a comment

With the beginning of the new year 2024 I’d like to reflect on a matter that really resonated with me. During my readings and when I’m on social media I come across passages or videos that truly intrigue me. In one particular video I happened to scroll by, the speaker said that we should honor the promises we give to ourselves. We are always told that we must keep our promises to others but who ever thought that there are promises you must keep for yourself? The speaker said honoring the promises we make for ourselves means for instance that when we say we’re going to wake up early in the morning that we must make sure to commit to waking up early in the morning. Another example is when we say we’re going to exercise and stay fit then we should commit to working out and staying fit. On a daily basis we make promises to ourselves that we don’t honor however we make those same promises and commitments to others and we honor them. We tell our friends we will be meeting them for brunch and we make sure we do meet them and on time. We tell our bosses that we will meet the deadline and finish the project on time and we do meet the deadline and finish our work on time. We tell our parents that we will accompany them to their doctor’s appointments and we do that to show support. We tell our children we will reward them when they ace their exams and we do reward them. However when we make similar promises to ourselves we tend to slack, to procastrinate, to self sabotage. We press that snooze button on our alarm clock way too many times, we slack off when it comes to exercising, we list our New Years resolutions and don’t accomplish half of that list. In a wonderful book I’m reading called “Manifest” by Roxi Nafousi she talks about our subconscious self sabotaging us when we try to accomplish something new. When we try to manifest new goals we must come out of our comfort zone and that is threatening to our subconscious. Our subconscious would rather us stay where we are comfortable and familiar rather than explore new opportunities and ideas, thus we self sabotage. We tell ourselves we know nothing about businesses and shall fail that business prospect, that we can never lose that weight so why try, that our dream partner doesn’t exist so we settle for the familiar traumatic relationships and so on…

It is time to take those steps and keep our promises to ourselves the same way we keep them with others. We owe ourselves the same courtesy we so freely offer others. Once we honor the promises we give ourselves we will be better able to achieve all that we desire, we will become better people because before anyone else we are being honest and are sincere to ourselves. We will be filled with an abundance of satisfaction from being true to ourselves and from that feeling of abundance we can continue to honor everyone else in a better way too.

Without Warning

Published on by ohlala80Leave a comment

It hasn’t been my best year but I learned a lot. The bad times teach us lessons and give us wisdom and the good times make us flourish but if there’s one thing I learned the most it is that life changes without any warning. No matter how prepared you seem life will still throw you off guard. That is why I say it time and time again to savor the good moments. To enjoy the good times fully while they last. To be present with your families and loved ones. To say goodnight and kiss goodbye and to never go to bed in conflict. To let your last words be words of love and care. To perform your prayers dutifully and to take care of yourself diligently. To be so full inside with self love and care towards yourself and others so when the not so good times come by you are self sufficient and self secure. Being self sufficient with self love and self care towards yourself and others makes you more capable in facing the challenges lying ahead whilst believing that this too shall pass. So take care of yourself and take care of your loved ones for life gives no warning.

How many souls went to bed at night and did not get up the next morning? If you knew it was going to be your last night how would you spend it? Life gives no warnings. So spend what precious time you have left making amends and taking care of yourself and your relationships for in the end what else matters? And always remember that the good times give us strength and the bad times give us wisdom. C’est la vie 🌷

Wishing you all a happy happy new year filled with plenty of good times!

40’s

Published on by ohlala80Leave a comment

It was 2020 and during the heart of the covid pandemic that I blew my 40th candle. Social distancing and seclusion got me re-aquainted with my true, inner self. Was it the age or was it the situation that did that? I believe it was a little bit of both.

Today while I am in my early 40’s I must admit that I am loving this age. I’m at an age where I’m not too young to be naive or impulsive nor am I too old to feel feeble and inefficient. I’m just right. I’m not too old to pursue my hobbies and interests nor am I too young to be impatient and dependent. I’m at a stage of calm. A stage of self reflection and self discovery. In my forties I now fully appreciate and accept myself as I am even with all my flaws. In my forties I no longer participate in heated discussions and I no longer find myself lost in dramas for all I want is peace. I’m at an age where my bond with my children has reached a higher, most amazing level, a level of friendship and companionship rather than constant discipline and apprehension. Today I can truly call my children my friends even with all our ups and downs. My relationship with my husband too has become calmer and more balanced as I truly accept and appreciate him as he is knowing that we are all fallible.

In my forities I discover peace and serenity and joy over the small things before the big things. My early cup of coffee, my exercise, my readings and my faith. In my forties I make new hobbies, engage in healthy habits and learn new things. At my forties and for the first time in my life I put myself as a priority. It makes sense to me now why Allah had bestowed upon prophet Mohammed pbuh the gift of Islam when he was forty for this is the golden age of contentment and gratitude.

Yes I am grateful today for how far I’ve come. How much I’ve achieved mainly raising three amazing children and managing a home and a marriage. Today I can kick back and relax as I return to my readings and my self re-discovery. Would I want to go back in time and do things differently? Absolutely… there’s so much I could’ve done better. However we can only move forwards and in moving forwards I promise to improve, forgive and accept myself and where life and God have brought me. As life starts to slow down and become calmer at forty I fully accept and love the woman I’ve become.

That being said I would like to share a quote I loved and related to about being in your 40s it said “Life begins at 40, anything before that is just practice.” And practice it truly is!