Mémoires

Measuring Happiness

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In our consumer driven, material pursuing world we are mislead into believing that success is measured by our career, wealth and social status. With time and since we were hit with covid I’ve come to realize that true success is measured by having faith, health, self acceptance, family bonds, friendships and the ability to enjoy the present. If careers were a measure of success then CEO’s would be amongst the happiest of people yet most times they are the most stressed. Often times in their quest to reach the top of their career ladders, they sacrifice their connections with their families and friends and are amongst the loneliest of people. If wealth was a measure of success then the wealthiest people would be the the most content but more often than not they’re the ones who suffer addictions and depression and are taken advantage of. If social status was a measure of success then presidents would be able to roam around their countries freely without worrying about their safety however wherever they go they are surrounded by guards and security and are abided by protocol and politics.

Sometimes it is the people with the simplest lives who are the happiest. People who have made the conscious effort to live in the present moment and enjoy it fully without worrying about the past or the future. Simple lives lived in nature using your hands to build things and make things and to cook your own food can bring true happiness. In a book I read called Ikigai a study was conduced on a large group of Japanese people who lived to be over 100 years old and still maintained good health showed that those people have lived a simple life full of purpose. They grew their own crops, tended their own gardens, sowed their own clothes and commuted by bikes or on foot to work regardless of how old they were. They were constantly moving and constantly creating with pleasure. Their sense of purpose was derived from doing most of their daily chores themselves regardless of how old they were. They led simple lives yet they lived it with joy excelling at whatever simple task they did wether it was cooking or farming or sewing.

So what if true success isn’t about how much money you make or what your position is in your career. What if it’s about the meaningful connections you make with others, how you care for yourself, the healthy food you intake and the choices you make to wake up every morning with gratitude doing what you do in life well and with pleasure. To live in the present moment and to realize that true happiness truly comes easier than you think from the simplest things in life… For me this was a true awakening.

Depression And The Modern World

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This month I talk about a matter that I see as a pandemic in the world today. This month I tackle a subject that I’ve been wondering about and struggling with for a long time. This entry is about the subject of depression. I want to talk about depression because I’ve noticed a rise in the condition in the world today. One would think that with all the technological advancements and urbanized modern day living, life would be easier and people would be happier but that is not the case. In this entry I focus on nourishment, urbanized living and social media as the leading causes of depression.

If we look at the past, people lived with less processed food and more natural produce. Eating was cleaner and men and women hunted and gathered their nourishment themselves rather than bought store preserved products. Food today is genetically modified, chemically preserved and lack the nutrients needed for our health. Today as well, populations are increasingly overfed, malnourished, inactive, sleep deprived, socially isolated and sunlight-deficient. Today urbanized living and lack of proper nourishment are a leading cause of depression.

There seems to be a correlation between modern urbanization and depression. Rural inhabitants exhibit less symptoms of depression perhaps due to their simpler lifestyles. Rural areas are marked by their tranquility, open spaces, and closeness to nature. Natural beauty and peace prevail in rural areas and living there offers an escape from the hustle and bustle of the city. It is also more affordable living in rural areas which offers more financial flexibility as opposed to the higher cost of living in the city. Living in the city requires a higher income to sustain an adequate lifestyle which is a huge form of stress that can lead to depression.

Thirdly today, social media is a leading contributor to depression. Social media has made life about the individual rather than the collective. We as humans are meant to live as clans and tribes supporting each other and working as a collective. Social media on the other hand has unequivocally made people focus on themselves and themselves alone. The platforms are designed to be addictive and popularity is misconstrued by being measured by the number of views and likes one gets per post. Today success is measured by who’s food recipe got the most feedback and who’s new vacation got the most comments and who’s post got the most likes and who has the most followers. Social media despite having some pros has unquestionably led to narcissism. Today validation is seeked over the internet as opposed to real life meaningful connections. The term Fomo emerges; “Fear of missing out” one fears that if they do not engage in social media as others do that they’ll miss out on connections, trends, news and much more, leading to more fear and anxiety and eventually depression. One of the primary ways social media contributes to depression is through social comparison. Users often compare their lives to the thought-out representations of others that they encounter online. We need to take a step back and look at the effect technology has on our society in terms of people needing instant gratification by indulging in social media rather than interacting with the real community. Children and teens especially are losing the social skills required to create meaningful true relationships with others as they are constantly receiving the false dopamine hit engaging online.

May we educate ourselves and become better observers to these factors that are contributing to the rise of depression in our world today. Eating nutritiously, living a simpler life, and disengaging from social media may create a drastic positive impact on our mental healths. A small ripple of change can offer great rewards.

Happy Emirati Women’s Day

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As my nation celebrates its women and recognizes them as a vital component of society today, I would like to extend my sincere wishes to all women out there. From mothers and educators to business women big and small you mean something to this nation, you matter and your contributions shall not go unnoticed. Women are the pillars of their households and the pedestals to their families. Wether you’re a mother, an aunt a daughter or a sister your presence and your efforts are recognized. Today the country acknowledges you and celebrates all your efforts in contributing to this nation. Women and men are not equal, women and men are different and their gender roles are different as well. It is heinous to presume that women can do all that men do for as this quote indicates, “Women don’t do what men do, women do what men can’t do,” Each has their own unique qualities that complete one another it is not a competition it is a collaboration. So happy Emirati Women’s Day to me, you and every Emirati women out there!

To My Shining Star

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From the day you were born I knew you were special. We named you Noora and just like the meaning of your name you were always “Noor” which means light, shining and lighting up every room by your presence. A much sought out baby your big grey eyes searched mine intently as you wiggled and kicked in my arms full of life.

As the years went by I watched you grow into the beautiful young lady you are today. Sixteen years just flew buy… too quickly… too fast… Looking back I covet the beautiful memories we shared, the songs we created and the poems and the games we played. You aced school and was always the star of the class. At the young age of eleven we discovered your talent in crocheting and you created your very first crochet bunny all on your own. And then at the age of twelve you excelled in horse riding even when you had a serious accident falling head first off the horse, as soon as your condition permitted you were back on the horse determined to ride again full of bravery. You always persevered, never giving up. I am in awe at your strength. While most girls your age followed tick tock or spent hours on makeup tutorials, you were always learning and always creating charming things such as your picturesque artwork, your delightful handmade creations, your fascinating crafts and much more.

You’re a loyal friend and a good influence on those around you. Not only friends seek you but parents as well long for you to befriend their daughters. Noora you are a star, a light from God. You attract people and goodness wherever you are. So happy sweet 16 my love. May you continue to shine bright in every way I have no doubt that amazing things are in store for you as you continue to dazzle everyone by your greatness.

It’s Summer!

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And just like that summer is back with it’s golden rays, steamy heat and a promise of a memorable holiday. It seems like almost yesterday we greeted the beginning of the new academic year and now in a blink of an eye the academic year has ended and students are set free for the summer. It seems like only yesterday my eldest daughter started college and now she’s ready to be a sophomore. I remember how anxious I was about my daughter starting university. I worried about wether she will fit in, and wether she will continue doing well academically but here we are at the end of the academic year and she aced it! I’m eternally proud.

Everything is shinier and everything is brighter in the summer. Routine’s are thrown off as it is the time to sit back and relax and indulge in summer activities and leisure. Each summer I like to set an intention to create new memories and indulge in pleasurable activities before greeting fall again and going back to my usual routine. This year I plan to spend quality time with my family and friends, hit the beach and finally get that tan I’ve been dreaming of, bond with my children who I’ll be seeing more of and if the circumstances allow, possibly travel and smell fresh new air in another country. I would like to learn new things and embrace healthier habits, I’d like to be grateful for each passing day that we are alive promising us another chance to do better.

What are your intentions this summer?

Do Judge A Book By It’s Cover

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I know I know most of you think there’s a typo and that the title should be “Do Not Judge A Book By It’s Cover” but you thought wrong, there is no typo I meant it the way it was written. You should absolutely judge a book by it’s cover just as you should absolutely judge a person by how they present themselves. If I were to buy a book about cooking yet see the cover is a demonic devil eating the food then I would have second thoughts about purchasing that book just as I would have second thoughts about the message the author is conveying by choosing such a book cover. The way we present ourselves says a lot about us so I do not understand this new age concept of not judging others based on their appearances. People surely judge me by how I appear so why wouldn’t I judge them too? It’s only human. Given that it is our human nature to judge appearances one should think twice about how they present themselves. Some girls for instance go out half naked yet protest to the negative attention and harassment they receive especially from the opposite sex, arguing that what’s important is what’s inside of them not how they appear. Yet how do these girls expect not to be judged or harassed by how they appear? Same thing applies to the opposite gender. If a man chooses to go to out filled with tattoos and ripped jeans and piercings for instance and is astonished that no one takes him seriously or that in fact people are staying away from him then he should think twice. Just as you would not go to a job interview at an office dressed in beach wear why would you go out as a punk or a drunk and expect to be taken seriously? That is why certain entities enforce uniforms and if we go back to our faiths we realize that God almighty as well has guided us in how we should appear.

As a Muslim woman I adhere to the conditions that God has bestowed upon me and one of them is that I must present myself modestly and respectfully. God has set a certain criteria on how we should appear for our own protection. Even in other religions I find those who are full practitioners of their faith dressed modestly and humbly why? To respect their faith and to respect their bodies and because they know very well that they will be judged if not in this life then in the afterlife for how they chose to present themselves. To be taken seriously and to be safe one must put a lot of thought on how they appear. Sexual harassment and violation are triple as much against women who are revealing than those who present themselves modestly.

What you wear and how you choose to present yourself sends a message. That is why many organizations enforce uniforms such as schools, hospitals, the military etc… Being dressed appropriately sends the message that you respect yourself and the place you’re in. Being in uniform says that you are serious about your job be it at a school, hospital, hotel and so on… When you are greeted by a pilot in a captain’s attire you get the feeling that a capable professional will be flying you to your destination. When you talk to a woman who is dressed modestly you sense a respectful boundary between the two of you for the way she chose to conceal herself. When you go to a hospital and are greeted by a doctor in a white coat you receive the message that you are in the hands of someone responsible. Imagine if all the above occupations did not require uniforms or a certain formal attire? Would you even trust dealing with such individuals if they were not presented formally and accordingly? Would you trust your life on a doctor that shows up half naked to work? So yes it is human nature to judge appearances just as appearances reveal a lot about us. The next time you leave the house please give thought to how you appear because wether you like it or not you will be judged first by God then by the people around you and you shall be treated according to how you choose to present yourself.

A Year Older A Lifetime Wiser

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As I grow older I come to the realization more and more that the greatest achievements don’t lie in monetary materials but rather in emotional connection, quality time with loved ones and true healing and acceptance of oneself. Today I accept myself as I am. I will always be sensitive because I feel so deeply. I was once described as an antenna picking up other peoples emotions. Struggling with my own sensitivity and being prone to depression I always sensed other peoples struggles or joys. This is why I usually go the extra mile with people I meet even if we’ve just met. This didn’t necessarily work to my benefit as some people I went the extra mile with simply took advantage of it. I used to feel used and hurt however today I have no regrets. The people who took advantage of my kindness I still feel compassion towards for they display shortcomings. Happy and fulfilled people do not take advantage of others so for those who do I pray they heal from the need they have to use others. As for those who truly needed my sensitivity unconditionally I continue to have great relationships with them.

As I grow older I realized my sensitivity has also made me invest in some of the most truly wonderful friendships of all time. One of my biggest investments is the friends I made and the family I am surrounded with and sometimes as you grow older this is all you need. As I grow older I’m much calmer and much more attuned to myself. I no longer give myself fully to others nor share more than I should. As I grow so does my lack of need to be liked and accepted by everyone I know… like I read somewhere why do you want everyone to like you when you don’t like everyone yourself?

As I grow older I practice awareness and living in the present for the future is unknown and the past is gone so all you really have is the present moment. The present will be a distant memory so I learned to make the most of it. I spend more quality time with my children and with my parents as I learned that creating lasting memories with the people you love is an investment in itself when all you have left are the memories.

In your growth what have you learned and what do you practice?

What We Carry

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We all carry some kind of pain inside of us. Sometimes it is the loss of a loved one, a failure in a relationship, a betrayal by a close friend and so on… A lot of times life does let us down and the pain it leads to results in a low vibration which leads to a low emotion. Lately I’ve been unable to let go of some of what hurt me in the past. The pain still feels raw and all consuming. With time and self reflection I learned that it is not about letting go of the pain but about learning to carry it with us with grace. It is about accepting that there are things that hurt us in the past or continue to hurt us in the present and allowing ourselves to feel the pain fully rather then learning to suppress and surpass it. When you accept the pain as part of your journey in life and carry it with you instead of fight it you learn grace. The hurt and the depression it causes will always be there just like the joy and the aspirations will also be there. Just as life lets us down at times, life does also lift us up. So how do we deal with life’s downs and the low vibrations they cause while not allowing them to consume our lives? It is the belief that something better will come around the corner, just like the loss of a loved one a birth of a new loved one might happen, an honest relationship might follow a failed one and a friend with integrity might follow the betraying one. We can intentionally allow ourselves to feel gratitude and hope which offer a higher vibration which in turn leads to higher more positive emotions and outlook. So as we accept that the hurt will remain with us as part of our journey in life and that that is important for our wellbeing, we must also learn to envision a positive outcome afterwards. Instead of seeing pain and hurt as a drawback lets see them as experience, as a stepping stone that thickened our skin and made us wiser and more informed while we anticipate something better to come along the way.

The Ego

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Last month my entry was about honoring yourself and keeping the promises you make within. Like many people I struggle with sticking to my promises to myself sometimes. It’s easier to ditch the gym, procrastinate on my writing, slack on my online classes and organize the house tomorrow. Lately I learned that the ego has a big role to play in that. You see the ego detests and resists change ultimately residing us in the familiar. Even though the familiar may be detrimental to our growth and wellbeing we still seek it because well it’s familiar. We stay in painful relationships, we slack in our work and our duties, we ditch that job opportunity and we avoid that uncomfortable conversation for the sake of the familiar, the status quo.

The ego has such a huge influence on us it even leads to self sabotage. It does that by making us doubt ourselves and our abilities. According to research only 5 percent of our cognition is conscious while the remaining 95 percent is subconscious. The ego is part of the subconscious therefore it makes sense that the ego has a profound influence over the reality we create. Our subconscious has the power to drive us towards our dreams and the power to withhold us from them.

What’s the solution then? Well the solution first starts by being aware of this unhealthy dynamic with our subconscious minds. Being aware of the ego’s role and being aware of our limiting beliefs. Instead of feeling like we will fail at the new job why not consider it a win to even try? Wether we do in fact fail or not at the job or at the new course we are taking it is still a learning opportunity. When you look at it like that, like everything is a learning opportunity then failure doesn’t exist. Awarness should also come in the relationships we are keeping. Are these relationships expanding us or contracting us? Are these relationships making us thrive or are they pulling us back? What is the alternative and do we dare find it? The ego will ultimately tell us to stick to the familiar even if it hurts but our small conscious minds know better.

Awareness also comes in acknowledging the way the ego allows for self sabotage. Keeping us in bed when we’re supposed to get up, keeping us in the same unhealthy relationship, making us believe we are not good enough or smart enough for the job so why bother… and so on… Often times the ego will purposely make us sabotage our relationships and our jobs to fulfill that self professing delusion that we are not good enough.

Everything starts with awareness so while being aware of honoring yourself and the promises you give it let’s also be aware of the self limiting beliefs of the ego. Let’s strive to give more power to that 5 percent of our conscious minds as opposed to the unconscious.

And keep smiling 🙂

Honor Yourself

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With the beginning of the new year 2024 I’d like to reflect on a matter that really resonated with me. During my readings and when I’m on social media I come across passages or videos that truly intrigue me. In one particular video I happened to scroll by, the speaker said that we should honor the promises we give to ourselves. We are always told that we must keep our promises to others but who ever thought that there are promises you must keep for yourself? The speaker said honoring the promises we make for ourselves means for instance that when we say we’re going to wake up early in the morning that we must make sure to commit to waking up early in the morning. Another example is when we say we’re going to exercise and stay fit then we should commit to working out and staying fit. On a daily basis we make promises to ourselves that we don’t honor however we make those same promises and commitments to others and we honor them. We tell our friends we will be meeting them for brunch and we make sure we do meet them and on time. We tell our bosses that we will meet the deadline and finish the project on time and we do meet the deadline and finish our work on time. We tell our parents that we will accompany them to their doctor’s appointments and we do that to show support. We tell our children we will reward them when they ace their exams and we do reward them. However when we make similar promises to ourselves we tend to slack, to procastrinate, to self sabotage. We press that snooze button on our alarm clock way too many times, we slack off when it comes to exercising, we list our New Years resolutions and don’t accomplish half of that list. In a wonderful book I’m reading called “Manifest” by Roxi Nafousi she talks about our subconscious self sabotaging us when we try to accomplish something new. When we try to manifest new goals we must come out of our comfort zone and that is threatening to our subconscious. Our subconscious would rather us stay where we are comfortable and familiar rather than explore new opportunities and ideas, thus we self sabotage. We tell ourselves we know nothing about businesses and shall fail that business prospect, that we can never lose that weight so why try, that our dream partner doesn’t exist so we settle for the familiar traumatic relationships and so on…

It is time to take those steps and keep our promises to ourselves the same way we keep them with others. We owe ourselves the same courtesy we so freely offer others. Once we honor the promises we give ourselves we will be better able to achieve all that we desire, we will become better people because before anyone else we are being honest and are sincere to ourselves. We will be filled with an abundance of satisfaction from being true to ourselves and from that feeling of abundance we can continue to honor everyone else in a better way too.