Tag: faith

Do Judge A Book By It’s Cover

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I know I know most of you think there’s a typo and that the title should be “Do Not Judge A Book By It’s Cover” but you thought wrong, there is no typo I meant it the way it was written. You should absolutely judge a book by it’s cover just as you should absolutely judge a person by how they present themselves. If I were to buy a book about cooking yet see the cover is a demonic devil eating the food then I would have second thoughts about purchasing that book just as I would have second thoughts about the message the author is conveying by choosing such a book cover. The way we present ourselves says a lot about us so I do not understand this new age concept of not judging others based on their appearances. People surely judge me by how I appear so why wouldn’t I judge them too? It’s only human. Given that it is our human nature to judge appearances one should think twice about how they present themselves. Some girls for instance go out half naked yet protest to the negative attention and harassment they receive especially from the opposite sex, arguing that what’s important is what’s inside of them not how they appear. Yet how do these girls expect not to be judged or harassed by how they appear? Same thing applies to the opposite gender. If a man chooses to go to out filled with tattoos and ripped jeans and piercings for instance and is astonished that no one takes him seriously or that in fact people are staying away from him then he should think twice. Just as you would not go to a job interview at an office dressed in beach wear why would you go out as a punk or a drunk and expect to be taken seriously? That is why certain entities enforce uniforms and if we go back to our faiths we realize that God almighty as well has guided us in how we should appear.

As a Muslim woman I adhere to the conditions that God has bestowed upon me and one of them is that I must present myself modestly and respectfully. God has set a certain criteria on how we should appear for our own protection. Even in other religions I find those who are full practitioners of their faith dressed modestly and humbly why? To respect their faith and to respect their bodies and because they know very well that they will be judged if not in this life then in the afterlife for how they chose to present themselves. To be taken seriously and to be safe one must put a lot of thought on how they appear. Sexual harassment and violation are triple as much against women who are revealing than those who present themselves modestly.

What you wear and how you choose to present yourself sends a message. That is why many organizations enforce uniforms such as schools, hospitals, the military etc… Being dressed appropriately sends the message that you respect yourself and the place you’re in. Being in uniform says that you are serious about your job be it at a school, hospital, hotel and so on… When you are greeted by a pilot in a captain’s attire you get the feeling that a capable professional will be flying you to your destination. When you talk to a woman who is dressed modestly you sense a respectful boundary between the two of you for the way she chose to conceal herself. When you go to a hospital and are greeted by a doctor in a white coat you receive the message that you are in the hands of someone responsible. Imagine if all the above occupations did not require uniforms or a certain formal attire? Would you even trust dealing with such individuals if they were not presented formally and accordingly? Would you trust your life on a doctor that shows up half naked to work? So yes it is human nature to judge appearances just as appearances reveal a lot about us. The next time you leave the house please give thought to how you appear because wether you like it or not you will be judged first by God then by the people around you and you shall be treated according to how you choose to present yourself.

Without Warning

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It hasn’t been my best year but I learned a lot. The bad times teach us lessons and give us wisdom and the good times make us flourish but if there’s one thing I learned the most it is that life changes without any warning. No matter how prepared you seem life will still throw you off guard. That is why I say it time and time again to savor the good moments. To enjoy the good times fully while they last. To be present with your families and loved ones. To say goodnight and kiss goodbye and to never go to bed in conflict. To let your last words be words of love and care. To perform your prayers dutifully and to take care of yourself diligently. To be so full inside with self love and care towards yourself and others so when the not so good times come by you are self sufficient and self secure. Being self sufficient with self love and self care towards yourself and others makes you more capable in facing the challenges lying ahead whilst believing that this too shall pass. So take care of yourself and take care of your loved ones for life gives no warning.

How many souls went to bed at night and did not get up the next morning? If you knew it was going to be your last night how would you spend it? Life gives no warnings. So spend what precious time you have left making amends and taking care of yourself and your relationships for in the end what else matters? And always remember that the good times give us strength and the bad times give us wisdom. C’est la vie 🌷

Wishing you all a happy happy new year filled with plenty of good times!

40’s

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It was 2020 and during the heart of the covid pandemic that I blew my 40th candle. Social distancing and seclusion got me re-aquainted with my true, inner self. Was it the age or was it the situation that did that? I believe it was a little bit of both.

Today while I am in my early 40’s I must admit that I am loving this age. I’m at an age where I’m not too young to be naive or impulsive nor am I too old to feel feeble and inefficient. I’m just right. I’m not too old to pursue my hobbies and interests nor am I too young to be impatient and dependent. I’m at a stage of calm. A stage of self reflection and self discovery. In my forties I now fully appreciate and accept myself as I am even with all my flaws. In my forties I no longer participate in heated discussions and I no longer find myself lost in dramas for all I want is peace. I’m at an age where my bond with my children has reached a higher, most amazing level, a level of friendship and companionship rather than constant discipline and apprehension. Today I can truly call my children my friends even with all our ups and downs. My relationship with my husband too has become calmer and more balanced as I truly accept and appreciate him as he is knowing that we are all fallible.

In my forities I discover peace and serenity and joy over the small things before the big things. My early cup of coffee, my exercise, my readings and my faith. In my forties I make new hobbies, engage in healthy habits and learn new things. At my forties and for the first time in my life I put myself as a priority. It makes sense to me now why Allah had bestowed upon prophet Mohammed pbuh the gift of Islam when he was forty for this is the golden age of contentment and gratitude.

Yes I am grateful today for how far I’ve come. How much I’ve achieved mainly raising three amazing children and managing a home and a marriage. Today I can kick back and relax as I return to my readings and my self re-discovery. Would I want to go back in time and do things differently? Absolutely… there’s so much I could’ve done better. However we can only move forwards and in moving forwards I promise to improve, forgive and accept myself and where life and God have brought me. As life starts to slow down and become calmer at forty I fully accept and love the woman I’ve become.

That being said I would like to share a quote I loved and related to about being in your 40s it said “Life begins at 40, anything before that is just practice.” And practice it truly is!

In Honor Of Endings

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life seems simple when we are young. We go to school, make friends, get good grades, go to college, get a job and then start our own families. When we are young we feel invincible, in control, full of aspirations. When we do graduate high school we expect to enter a good college, and then when we graduate college we are confident that a decent job awaits us. After securing that job we fall in love believing that that special someone will share the rest of their lives with us and we will live happily ever after. Those are the dreams we grow up believing in as no one teaches us otherwise. So after obtaining that degree and landing that dream job and after we tie the knot with that special someone and start our own families we develop a sense of security. Our positive outlook and young stamina only envisions success and consistency however, slowly and painfully life hits us hard and we learn the hard way that just as there were bright beginnings there are also painful endings. We start facing many challenges and difficulties in life that make us question our very existence and makes us redefine our dreams. What makes the notion of endings so hard is they happen just as we’ve become accustomed to the life we’ve built. We start to realize that in our naive notion of believing that success only leads to success and that a marriage is a union where only death does us part and that our families and friends and our jobs will be there for us forever that nothing in life is ever lasting. In our young naive minds where we felt we were in control, we started taking our partners, our families and our lives for granted never once questioning that they could slip away. We believed that the friends we’ve had since childhood will continue being our friends till adulthood, and that the job we secured for years is financially binding and that the spouse we spent our life with will always be there to support and comfort us. The harsh reality though is that there is no such thing as a lifetime guarantee. That even security doesn’t last and that the greatest regret we form is taking the friends, job or family around us for granted. How much we’ve changed and how much wiser and mature life has made us.

So this months entry is to honor endings. This is an entry to bring to the realization that nothing lasts forever. If we were raised to be prepared that just as things in our lives are beginning they do also end we would never take anything or anyone or any day in our life for granted. With the realization that there is no lifetime guarantee to anything not even health, marriage, jobs or life itself our outlook and approach to life and each other would be very different. We will be better and more understanding partners, we will be more grateful and honest employees and we would be much more patient parents. We will spend that extra hour with our families and we will put down our devices to play another round of hide and seek outdoors with our kids before they grow and head off to start their own beginnings. The little things in life like food on the table and a roof over our heads will become the big things. Our relationships and our communications will rise to another level and we will think twice before going to bed whilst in dispute with a loved one. We will make amends to old friends and we will cherish the new friends and we won’t skip our daily jog around the block. We will master enjoying the present moment cause we will finally realize that that’s the only guarantee we’ve got… the present.

So the next time you receive that job bonus aspire to how you could perform even better the next year to maintain that financial security and when you celebrate that 10th wedding anniversary don’t just go out to dinner, honor each other and think of how to renew your relationship and how to better serve each other in order to maintain a lasting union. When you’re struggling with a friend or a family member that you care about don’t just go to bed upset with them, come up with a resolution; studies have proven that a major indicator for a positive quality of life is the quality of your relationships with others. If we cherish and honor the relationships and achievements we have big and small including our own well-being, the more likely we will be able to face endings with honor rather than with regrets. We will have insured our lives and empowered ourselves by planning ahead in case of an ending. If we make the effort to control and repair the damages done today by vowing to do better and be better tomorrow the more secure our lives would be and the better equipped and the better insured we become mentally and emotionally when facing an ending. Life is extremely fickle and every day someone faces an ending to a job, a friendship, a relationship or life. Honoring endings gives us the insight of how to protect and maintain our personal security from the beginning. This is where self empowerment comes in and where independence, personal stability and self awareness forms. Honoring and preparing ourselves for endings just as we prepare our whole lives for beginnings should be something taught at school. Dealing with grief, dealing with loss, resolving conflicts and realizing downfalls should be made into a curriculum with a section on insurance and resilience. Learning shouldn’t just be about language, maths or science it should also be about life, and a big part of life is dealing with endings. This is something I learned the hard way and I hope to make it easier for my children. I hope we all finally realize how precious yet fickle life is and that contemplating its end seems almost inconceivable when in fact it is the very essence of life itself.

Dark Revelation

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All my life I’ve been unsure of myself.. Gaining acceptance outwardly was imperative to me because I couldn’t accept myself inwardly. I masked my vulnerability and self doubt in makeup and designer clothes and the latest trends. Today I realize that my perfect physical appearance was a cover to mask my imperfect inner appearance. Not feeling comfortable with myself I went to extremes to make sure others felt comfortable with me. I gave every friend I knew the validation they needed to receive because I never received validation for myself. Someone once described me as a satellite receptor picking up signals of other people’s emotions and feeling them as my own. Other people’s struggles pained me as they reminded me of my own and I tried hard to help them through them. For me pleasing and feeling needed by others secured me a spot in their lives so I could escape mine. I feared abandonment, I feared rejection, I feared being left behind, that’s why I strived hard to make everyone else come first. My goal was to make everyone feel like their life was better with me in it.

Even as a mother and wife I doubted myself. I pushed myself to extremes, reading all the new parenting and relationship books and trying to apply all the modern techniques onto my life and home. Today there’s so much pressure in achieving a standard of perfection that anything else is seen as a draw back. I took on more than I could handle. I got burnt out and missed out on the enjoyment of just being present with my children and family. Like me, my children and my life had to look impeccable leaving all the messy business behind. Striving for perfection in my personal life was affecting my outer life. I couldn’t put on that perfect outer facade for long. The people closest to me saw my struggles and knew my imperfectionsand some of them even used them against me making me loath myself even more. I became defensive, irritable and guarded. I reached a point where I engaged in unhealthy habits of self harm, cause harming myself gave me a sense of control. It pained me that those who mattered to me the most couldn’t understand my struggles. I believed if those around me weren’t happy it was my fault especially when it came to the people I love.

So this months message is for anyone out there who makes it a duty to put others first. Those who were told growing up that they had to be the better person no matter how much they were wronged by others. To those who were raised to believe that to be worthy of love one had to be compliant and obedient living up to the expectations of others. To those who blame themselves for failed relationships, loss of loved ones and other people’s dissatisfactions. Those who had to be strong under extreme pressure and were only noticed after falling apart.

Sometimes it is during the darkest moments in our lives that a revelation occurs. Sometimes things need to breakdown for better things to be put together. Things start to become clearer and you see the self destructive habits you engaged in as a coping mechanism.

If you are someone seeking outward validation from others, unsure of your own worth, accepting less than you deserve while presenting a false facade of perfection you are not alone. I hear you, I know you, I am you. When you crumble and feel that no one can lift you up, trust yourself first that you can do it. The world doesn’t stop at your suffering your suffering is what stops your world. It’s time to give yourself the love and validation that you so freely give to others and the only apology you owe is to yourself for putting yourself last. Those who claim to know more about your life telling you that you’re not trying hard enough or aren’t doing things right haven’t lived your life nor felt your pain. Forgive those who hurt you cause more often than not they are hurt themselves and are perpetuating that cycle on to others. Please stop hiding behind expensive clothes and fancy cars because “you” are worthy enough without those extra touches. Know this, the world is a better place because you are in it. May the gentle all mighty God who bestowed only the best upon us guide us to regain the parts of ourselves we lost living in fear and doubt.