Author: ohlala80

Nothing prepares us for what it’s gonna be like when we become parents. No book or lecture gives parenting justice. For when that precious being comes to life only then are we awakened to perform the hardest job on earth… parenting. We learn to become parents first and foremost from our children and it sure is a rollercoaster ride.

Our first instincts as parents are how to keep them alive. We stress over making sure they eat right, sleep well and are warm enough all the while telling ourselves that once they can eat solids it will get easier, once they start walking it will get easier, once they enter school it will get easier but guess what, there is no easier, each phase comes with it’s own set of challenges.

Today I am a blessed mom of three teens. Sure they bathe themselves, feed themselves and are pretty independent, you’d think the hard part of parenting is over but boy with teens it’s a whole other story. With teens you get the mood swings, the talking back, the assertion of their fresh new personalities where they suddenly know more than you the parent who birthed and raised them. Suddenly we are the old fashioned ones, the clueless ones, while they develop a know-it-all attitude. What happened to when I was their superhero who they’d turn to for comfort and security? What happened to when I could lure them into listening to me by bribing them with a new toy or their favorite ice cream? It’s a bitter sweet feeling. You pine for the old days when they were still a handful, young, innocent child and you also feel proud watching them grow and gain their independence.

My eldest child is now preparing to go to college. I wish I could just sit back and relax and say finally she’s leaving the nest… but it isn’t that simple. With older kids you worry if they are making the right decisions, if they’re mixing with the right friends, if they’re able to put boundaries, if they are being bullied or not and the list goes on.

After many years I came to the realization that children teach us how to become parents and they’re the ones that allow us to learn more about ourselves. It’s naive to think that there’s one stage easier than the other, for a parents job is never truly over. You hold them in your arms and you blink and suddenly they are young adults fulfilling their wonderful destinies as you slowly learn to let go and be their parents from afar.

It’s been 21 years since I last set foot in my university, and setting foot in it again for the 25 years silver jubilee reunion brought back many bitter sweet memories. I returned to the university for the reunion while having a daughter the same age I was when I first set foot in it 21 years ago, how time flies..! The granite floors that were once shiny and slippery were now cracked and uneven, the college buildings however still stood tall with their grand columns and the flashing center main building which was adorned by lights and laser beams for the festive occasion… it was all so spectacular and nostalgic at the same time. My mind took me back to my first day in uni. I was the age of my daughter now, a wide eyed teenager, still a child at heart, I remember wearing a red summer dress with tiny white flowers printed on it, my hair tied up in a pony tail and in my hand I clutched a notebook with pens and pencils stuffed in my handbag. My father dropped me off and as I waved him goodbye I walked hesitantly towards the center building where all the new freshmen were summoned for orientation. There, I greeted my childhood friend Moza and my other childhood friend Shayma, they were the only 2 girls I knew at the time attending AUS with me. The professor in charge of orientation ended his welcoming speech to us freshmen and pointed us towards the different colleges we were supposed to go to. This was where the journey began… and standing there made it all feel like yesterday.

College was an initiation period shaping me from a young girl to a young adult. The education wasn’t just from the textbooks but from college life a well. I’ve formed lasting friendships with both students and professors as they were and continue to be like family to me. Sure there were the challenging days and the challenging courses but they only built in me resilience and perseverance. I was determined to do well and I remember how in the classes I enjoyed like history of western art and psychology I sat attentively grasping every detail the professors were teaching. I remember I aced those classes and was placed on the deans honor’s list twice. I remember the canteen and the table I sat on with all my close friends I remember how thrilled we were at the Starbucks that opened near the colleges. I remember the gigantic art studios and the endless late hours I stayed after school trying to finish drawing a still life or building a model. To all those great memories and more I say thank you to the American University of Sharjah and to its founding father His Highness Sheikh Sultan Al Qassimi. Sheikh Sultan continues to inspire and implement great educational institutes and opportunities in all of Sharjah and it makes me proud to be part of a city that promotes such excellence. It is no wonder Sharjah is a cultural hub for educational excellence and pioneering it is the American University of Sharjah. Today I aspire to have my daughter enter AUS and to have the same amazing opportunities I had there. I have no doubt the university will shape her into the best version of herself as it did with me. Thank you my AUS and go class of 2002!

Normally when we think about a gift our mind goes to something we could purchase, however did you ever wonder what you could gift someone for free? Lets contemplate that thought for a while for this months entry is all about the gifts you could gift for free!

1.The gift of Presence, sometimes all your friend or all our child needs is your presence. To be truly present in the now with them. To celebrate fully with them and to listen fully to them without distractions. To enjoy the time with them as it is fully and presently. That could be a wonderful gift.

2. The gift of Time, in today’s fast paced world who has time? However the hard fact is we all have some time to spare and gifting someone some of that time could make a huge difference. Allocate some time off from your busy schedule and offer it to your old parent, your spouse, your bestfriend and watch how they glow with satisfaction.

3. The gift of Forgivness, and this is an important one. When you forgive you are not only doing others a favor you are doing it to yourself. Forgive so you could move on without the hurt and pain of staying resentful for angry for holding on to anger and resentment are like poisons you poison yourself hoping the other would die. The ones you forgive may surprise you too by showing you better aspects of themselves once you have offered them that gift.

4. The gift of Support, sometimes all someone really wants is a shoulder to cry on someone to believe in them or to simply listen to them. Be that person and gift that gift.

5. The gift of Consistency, if you promised someone you will show up then show up, if you promised them an hour a day to spend together then continue to do that, if you set a schedule for date nights then follow through. Nothing spells safety and comfort more than consistency. Consistency creates balance and lets the other person know you are reliable and have made them a priority.

6. Finally and I’ve saved the best for last is the gift of Love, yes ladies and gentlemen love is the most priceless, most rewarding gift you could offer. Love gives warmth, happiness, glee and most important security to the other person. Love for a child, a parent, a friend, a spouse, tell those you love you love them and act on it.

These my friends are some amazing gifts that cost no money but mean everything. Whats truly rewarding about those gifts is you receive them too. When you offer your time, presence, forgiveness, support, consistency or love to others you are also offering them to yourself. The reward of being that person who offers those intangible gifts is huge and pleasurable, try and you’ll see.

What are you gifting someone today?

Recently we were shocked and appalled by the controversial advertising campaign conducted by the so called brand Balenciaga. The true colors of the brand were revealed when they exploited children by making them carry toy bears dressed in what can only be described as bondage gear. The children who only exhibited innocence on their faces were photographed in several positions carrying or laying next to the inappropriate toys.

Given that this is a world famous brand belonging to a leading country; Spain I question where is the children’s rights? Where is the children’s sense of safety and security when opting to model for such a brand. Upon further investigations it appears that the brands stylist Lotta Volcova’s designs promote devil worshipping, abuse murder and child exploitation. Thus I hold the modeling agency, the brand, the parents of those children, the photographers and even the internal staff completely accountable for sending the perverse message. I think it is safe to say that boycotting the brand is the least we can do. Shame on you Balenciaga and any brand that decides to take advantage of innocent children. This is utterly nauseating.

The brand already makes millions of dollars in revenue and yet they still decided to exploit those innocent children. Children should be allowed to live in a world where they feel safe and nurtured not abused and exploited in such an unimaginable manner.

So from today I am boycotting and getting rid of any traces of brands that abuse children, disrespect religions or fund terrorists. I believe that us as honest citizens also have a role to play in stopping such absurdness and it starts with boycotting.

What are the things that bring you comfort? In a consumer driven, technologically crazed, overworked society finding comfort can be a challenge.

Even as a stay at home mom you find yourself panicking from the surge of parenting books you are trying to keep up with, to the unsolicited advice you get from other parents who always seem to ‘know more’ to society’s judgement of why you’re a stay at home mom or not. The list is endless.

I think what makes things much more difficult is the media, be it social, written, televised or radio, everyone today claims to be an expert with videos and content telling us what to do and how to behave or how to look. The result is an impending feeling of inadequacy and vulnerability when in truth most people are just as lost as you are.

Today I try to find comfort within the chaos. First by accepting myself and my shortcomings. I will never be a perfect mom or a perfect wife or have the perfect figure and I’m not even going to aim for perfection. I’m going to aim for improvement, for learning, for loving myself enough to take better care of my mind and body. The greatest lesson I learned is that in order to give love and care you must give it to yourself first.

Second I’m going on a social media cleanse. Enough with everyone talking and preaching like they know it all. Enough with people taking pictures of perfection trying to exhibit a perfect life that does not exist and enough allowing all this media influx to make me doubt myself.

Third is to find spirituality. Know that there’s another life in the ever after waiting for us and instead of striving to please and attain the senseless beauty standards, parenting advices, inexplicable wealth and the so called dolce vita of this world let’s work on attaining all that in the after life where our real world resides by practicing our faith and being more spiritual.

As for this stressful life today I strive to find beauty in the simplest of matters, beauty in the ordinary and in the mundane. Beauty in my family surrounding me, beauty in the cup of coffee I’m having with a dear friend, beauty in the flowers that surround my home and beauty in simply being alive. As our Prophet pbuh once said: “Whoever among you is safe in his home, healthy in his body, and has food for the day, it is as if he has his life and all that life entails.” The main lesson learned as I approach my mid life is that this life is a series of shock and afflictions in order to return us to the all mighty. Our true life isn’t on earth but in heaven where real perfection and and fulfillment reside.

The sweet summer breeze in the city of Brugge in Belgium brushed against my face, playing with my head scarf as I stared into the glistening river. I watched intently as the boats with the waving tourists floated by. A sweet, sugary waffle with cream in my hand, I could smell the flowers in their pots strategically scattered around the city. Three years later we are blessed with the chance to forget about covid & enjoy a summer in Belgium again. Finally I am in my happy place, surrounded by the people I love, we are healthy we are happy and we are together and this was all that mattered. How was your summer?

It is the summer holiday and no the perfect family day was not spent abroad in some fancy ski resort, nor was it spent tanning by the turquoise beaches in the Maldives, we weren’t on a cruise ship nor were we strolling the fashion streets of Paris (not that I wouldn’t have loved being at either of those places!). However, the perfect family day was actually a Sunday like most other Sundays. The children wanted to try a new Japanese restaurant called origami at Festival City mall (not the fanciest of malls either if I may add). We got to the mall and I watched with pride my tall and broad husband walk near my sweet, chubby son who was trying to catch up to his fathers stride. I imagined my son growing equally tall and broad and kind like his father and the thought brought a smile to my face. I saw my daughters laughing and teasing each other as we approached the restaurant which they had suggested. We were dressed in our Sunday bests and simply being, rested, healthy and content was already a perfect start to the family day.

We ordered an assortment of starters to share followed by our main courses. I thanked and blessed God for the meal in front of us and the family love within us. I thanked Allah for blessing us with the means to eat at a restaurant (fancy or not) and for simply being a family joined together in good health, love and harmony, a family exactly as we are. After we satisfied our taste buds and quenched our hunger with the Japanese delicacies we headed to the mall prayer halls to pray. My son headed with his father to the male prayer hall while I headed with my daughters to the female one. I prayed and thanked God for the meal, for the blessing of having my family intact around me and for waking up to another sun shiny day with no regrets or tragedies. That in itself is a blessing. I prayed for my family’s protection and for God to grant my husband health and prosperity and to surround me by him and my children always.

After performing our prayers, we decided to have dessert at one my favorite French cafes called L’aduree. The fact that we even have L’aduree in my country is worth celebrating. I ordered my black coffee accompanied by rose ice cream while the children indulged in their colorful macaroons. It was a lovely treat.

We strolled the mall for a while longer our bodies digesting their meals, until we decided it was time to return home. The sun was setting as my husband drove with music playing in the background and I had a faint smile on my face. I looked to my left and watched as my husband drove and I marveled at the strong and supportive man he was. I looked back and smiled at the kids who were buckled up and chatting endlessly and I said a silent thank you to God for this exact moment which I wouldn’t swap for anything else.

At home we gathered around the living room. My husband switched on the TV while suddenly my middle child who is a natural artist brainstormed a small business prospect involving her crochet. My middle child has a gift of creating the most wonderful crochet creations and artwork, she truly has such a talent! In fact when I look closely, each one of my children has a special talent. My eldest with her advanced horse riding technique and culinary skills, my middle child with her art creations and my youngest with his endless experimenting wether with toys or ingredients. My middle child continues brainstorming as her eyes glistened with anticipation. My husband started pitching some ideas to our daughter and that’s when she decided to come up with a logo. Her older sister helped implement a logo on the iPad alongside their father. I beamed with pride at the fun and productive day this was turning out to be not bad at all… a nice lunch and then huddling to be creative… My son decided to go to the kitchen to whip up one of his special fruit cocktails for us while being the book worm that I am I brought the latest book I was reading and started reading amidst all the creativity going on while our cat rolled around and looked at everyone curiously. The day was perfection.

I read in one of my books that life will give you all that you want but not necessarily in the way that you imagined it. That to surrender to life as it is and to practice gratitude for every small and big thing was the key to happiness. I had my life right here, right now amongst my family, amidst by husband and children where everyone was pleasant and in good health. My husband has been a pillar of strength to our family during difficult times and beneath his sometimes rough exterior he has never failed to impress me by his kindness and support. As for my children I couldn’t have asked for more perfectly imperfect ones. I love them as they are in all their strengths and weaknesses. They make me proud and they’re the main reason I wake up in the morning and raising them and creating memories with them is one of my main purposes in life.

May Allah bless us with more happiness and contentment and may we never take the little pleasures in life for granted again. It was the perfect day and it didn’t cost much it only required gratitude, fulfillment and acceptance that even if life wasn’t perfect (and it never is) it was good enough. I pray that with all of life’s ups and downs that I continue to feel this content with my family and friends forever.

How was your day? And what would you describe to be the perfect day?

Much love and keep smiling!

Love is the dancing of the soul and the glowing in the face

Love is the gentle touch of a hand and the whispers of sweet nothings in the ears

Love is reading the gaze of an eye without the utterance of a word

Love is the flickering of the soul and the fluttering of the heart… even after so long

Love is longing and belonging

Love is acceptance & assurance allowing freedom to be undeniably you and for them to be undeniably them

Love is celebrating each other exactly as you are

Love brings out the best in you you can’t remember being before it

Love is leaving that last slice of pizza and saying call me when you reach

Love is showing interest in what the other is interested in

Love is making an effort and making it seem effortless

Love is kindness, security and mutual respect

Love is beginning each day with gratitude and a smile for being with one another

Love is being supportive and a shoulder to cry on in the difficult times and the celebrations in the good times

Love is being by their side and understanding that they need to be loved a little extra when times get rough

Love is embracing every moment together knowing that there are ups and there are downs and that’s ok

Love isn’t about where but with whome

Love is putting each other first and fighting for one another

Love is cooking his / her favorite meal and anticipating eating it together

Love is patience love is sacrifice

Love is unconditional and pure

Love makes the world go round wether its towards a spouse, a child, a parent or a friend

Freedom doesn’t come from doing all you want. Freedom in fact comes from having the discipline of knowing your true self and how to regulate it. How to find peace within the chaos unshattered by the outer world. How to identify your strengths and weaknesses and honor them knowing that as a human you may have some limitations. To overflow with love and acceptance from within so that that abundance may flow outwardly to those you care about and love. This is where true freedom lies. Freedom is setting healthy, respectful boundaries with others and knowing how and when to diplomatically say no. This is freedom. Without such self discipline, awareness and self honor you are the opposite of being free you are in fact a prisoner. A prisoner to unhealthy social norms, a prisoner to emotional or physical abuse, a prisoner to low self esteem allowing others to easily manipulate and control you without acknowledging your boundaries.

Freedom is knowing and accepting yourself so well that you do not easily get triggered in the face of hostility and adversity. Freedom is the ability to draw the line on what is acceptable and what is not and allowing others to acknowledge that. This is true freedom. When you know and understand and honor yourself from the inside then you are not easily affected, triggered or manipulated by the outside.

This freedom is especially important in relationships too. Today many youngsters throw themselves into relationships such as marriage, partnerships, job opportunities expecting outward gratifications to fill them up from the inside and make them happier. Unfortunately a lot of them fail. Today there’s a shocking rise in divorce rate, unemployment and bankruptcy for exactly this reason which is that most people haven’t found happiness and satisfaction within before seeking it outwardly so again they are prisoners to outer influences. Social media and advertisements in our consumer driven world only make it worse targeting and magnifying our deepest insecurities. Consumerism purposely aggravate our deepest concerns in order to make us believe that freedom and happiness lay in material gratification. Today a lot of people are manipulated by the media to believe that happiness and wholeness is achieved by purchasing. Feeling good and satisfied within is not good for business. We see societies today obsessed with luxurious brands, race cars, expensive holidays, plastic surgery and substance abuse wether they can afford them or not and this is another form of imprisonment. The more we try to numb our inner insecurities through shopping, jumping into relationships, physical alterations or substance abuse the insecurities almost always resurface. All outward gratifications fail to provide the inward gratification achieved by self contentment and acceptance which is true freedom. Happiness starts from within and only then can you truly be free.

This is why I urge you to discover yourself, to forgive yourself and to honor yourself and your limitations and set your boundaries so you could grow and flourish with an abundance of love, faith and self acceptance. I urge you to do so so we can break the cycle to this consumer driven society that dictates how we should or shouldn’t feel or what we should be doing. How or what you should look like, how to be a better mom or earn that higher pay check. When you are thirsty and lost on the inside you are easily manipulated and distracted or triggered by the outside. So once again the real freedom lies within, in honoring and acknowledging yourself and holding on to faith and having the discipline to draw the line on what is truly important to your self and what is not.

On this note I end this months entry and I encourage you to find your passions, set some achievable goals for yourself and love the path to healing. Give yourself credit for taking the time to learn, read, meditate, excertcise and take care of yourself mentally and physically. Enjoy being you and fill yourself up from the inside before aspiring for that promotion, vacation, spouse or car for those are just the topping of the ice cream while the contents of that ice cream is all you.

Much Love!