We all come into a marriage or a relationship full of positive hopes, dreams and possibilites in mind. To build a future together based on a foundation of love and mutual understanding. To always be there for one another not just physically but emotionally as well. We come into our relationships with an abundance of love thinking that love conquers all. Especially when entering a relationship at a young age we are wide eyed and full of hope and frankly unrealistic expectations. We are usually fresh graduates at the start of our career paths, full of potential and positivity. All this is grand and beautiful the first few months or years… however eventually life hits us hard. Many times the things we expect and the things that present themselves before us in our relationships and in our lives are conflicting and contradicting to the big dreams we had planned in our minds. The dreams we believed in and dreamt of in our relationships or specifically in our marriages slowly start drifting into a different kind of reality. A harsh reality strained by life’s many stressors such as financial instability, work overload, exhaustion and even children. Inevitably we are pulled apart. Lost in life’s harsh realities we often lose ourselves and each other. For the unlucky ones communication perishes and each partner is left to fend for him or herself… slowly healing themselves and supporting themselves by themselves. Many couples drift apart and the love that was thought would conquer all slowly perishes away into another kind of reality. Each partner starts to feel unappreciated, misunderstood and unvalidated. Depression and lonliness become a factor and validation and self worth are seeked elsewhere.

In some of the worst scenarios infidelity occurs. What’s worse is it occurs even while love still exists. The spouses are together physically but are separate emotionally. Most couples seeking advice are advised to find happiness elsewhere away from the strained relationship perhaps by pursuing a hobby, creating a small business, taking a holiday or doing volunteer work… And all that is grand however what ends up happening is that each spouse receives doses of happiness and gratification from outside factors rather than from within the relationship. While gaining outward gratification they continue to inwardly drift apart. Here is where my question arises. Are couples doing each other justice by each striving to find outward gratification and validation rather than work on achieving that with each other? Isn’t being in a relationship a prerequisite for exchanging gratification and validation amongst each other and not from external factors?

Today in the west lots of couples live together without marriage perhaps for this very reason. Couples no longer want a legal obligation towards one another. Couples are together yet they are also not. Is this where we’re headed? I hope not.

I still believe that love exists even with this huge inevitible rift happening in relationships. Otherwise why are we still together? Why are we still binded to each other through good and through bad and in sickness and in health? Why are we still sacrificing? Isn’t that the epitom of love? Even if the presence is more physical than emotional it is a presence. Perhaps when we give each other the space we need to grow and rediscover and reestablish our lost selves we will find each other again. As humans we aren’t meant to be alone or to do everything on our own and one day we will look no further than into our own relationships to find our partners right there struggling just the same waiting for validation. And we will give them that validation, why? well because we love them and love does conquer all.