Mémoires

With the current displeasing events circulating France around the mockery of Islam through some distasteful drawings and the country’s president dismissing the act simply as a form of freedom of speech, I started wondering what exactly constitutes freedom of speech? In fact, what is freedom really? Is it freedom when we ridicule different ethnicities? Is it freedom when we stereotype genders? And is it freedom when we scorn a faith practiced by millions of people around the world? Where do we draw the line between freedom and discourtesy? When does ones freedom stop while another persons begins?

Lets see what the scholars have to say. According to:

Socrates – (Greek philosopher 470 – 399 BC) “To find yourself, think for yourself.”

 John Locke – English philosopher (1632-1704) “Being all equal and independent, no one ought to harm another in his life, health, liberty, or possessions.”

Jean-Jacques Rousseau – Genevan Philosopher (1712 – 1778) “Man is born free and everywhere he is in chains.” 

Jean-Paul Sartre – French Philosoper (1905 – 1980) “Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.”

So if we start from the very beginning, according to Socrates who is credited as the founder of western philosophy, one of the first forms of human consiousness is thought. In his statement, “To Find yourself, think for yourself.” we understand that through thinking we become self aware and self conscious which makes us accountable for all our actions. Centuries later when we look at what Locke says “Being all equal and independent, no one ought to harm another in his life, health, liberty, or possessions.” So we see that respecting another’s life, health and possessions is linked with ones equality and independence. Rousseau, a century later affirms by saying, “Man is born free and everywhere he is in chains.” that there is simply no freedom without restriction. Finally I added Sartre’s statement, “Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.” which supports the theory that freedom is a form of condemnation as with it comes great responsibility.

These are all western scholars, the last scholar being French, from the very country that ignited this war on freedom. History tells us through scholars and current events that freedom cannot exist without definitive boundries. That with freedom comes great personal responsibility, thought and awareness of ones self and others. That with any freedom be it freedom of speech or expression comes an accountability of what and how we express it and to what extent that affects others. When any freedom threatens the well being of others wether mentally, physically or socially then it is not freedom anymore, it is an invasion. So how could some great modern world leaders today, after all these studies and events made by their own scholars and history, still choose to dismiss the obvious ambushing and disrespect of other people under the name of “freedom of speech”. How could a country so advanced, modern and refined, a country that has undergone wars and revolutions in the pursuit of freedom misdefine the very essence they’ve been fighting for? Are we living in a world where freedom of speech is exempt from any obligations towards the people receiving it as long as those people belong to somewhere else?

We all come into a marriage or a relationship full of positive hopes, dreams and possibilites in mind. To build a future together based on a foundation of love and mutual understanding. To always be there for one another not just physically but emotionally as well. We come into our relationships with an abundance of love thinking that love conquers all. Especially when entering a relationship at a young age we are wide eyed and full of hope and frankly unrealistic expectations. We are usually fresh graduates at the start of our career paths, full of potential and positivity. All this is grand and beautiful the first few months or years… however eventually life hits us hard. Many times the things we expect and the things that present themselves before us in our relationships and in our lives are conflicting and contradicting to the big dreams we had planned in our minds. The dreams we believed in and dreamt of in our relationships or specifically in our marriages slowly start drifting into a different kind of reality. A harsh reality strained by life’s many stressors such as financial instability, work overload, exhaustion and even children. Inevitably we are pulled apart. Lost in life’s harsh realities we often lose ourselves and each other. For the unlucky ones communication perishes and each partner is left to fend for him or herself… slowly healing themselves and supporting themselves by themselves. Many couples drift apart and the love that was thought would conquer all slowly perishes away into another kind of reality. Each partner starts to feel unappreciated, misunderstood and unvalidated. Depression and lonliness become a factor and validation and self worth are seeked elsewhere.

In some of the worst scenarios infidelity occurs. What’s worse is it occurs even while love still exists. The spouses are together physically but are separate emotionally. Most couples seeking advice are advised to find happiness elsewhere away from the strained relationship perhaps by pursuing a hobby, creating a small business, taking a holiday or doing volunteer work… And all that is grand however what ends up happening is that each spouse receives doses of happiness and gratification from outside factors rather than from within the relationship. While gaining outward gratification they continue to inwardly drift apart. Here is where my question arises. Are couples doing each other justice by each striving to find outward gratification and validation rather than work on achieving that with each other? Isn’t being in a relationship a prerequisite for exchanging gratification and validation amongst each other and not from external factors?

Today in the west lots of couples live together without marriage perhaps for this very reason. Couples no longer want a legal obligation towards one another. Couples are together yet they are also not. Is this where we’re headed? I hope not.

I still believe that love exists even with this huge inevitible rift happening in relationships. Otherwise why are we still together? Why are we still binded to each other through good and through bad and in sickness and in health? Why are we still sacrificing? Isn’t that the epitom of love? Even if the presence is more physical than emotional it is a presence. Perhaps when we give each other the space we need to grow and rediscover and reestablish our lost selves we will find each other again. As humans we aren’t meant to be alone or to do everything on our own and one day we will look no further than into our own relationships to find our partners right there struggling just the same waiting for validation. And we will give them that validation, why? well because we love them and love does conquer all.

Today I called everyone I care about, asked about them and told them I that I loved them and that I cared about them. It was overwhelming to me how much people needed to hear that. Today we live in an uncertain world during uncertain times and we are all under tremendous stress and we are all in some way crumbling. Telling the people you care about that you love them and that you care about them and that you are there for them does take a bit of load off their shoulders… there’s nothing sadder than knowing a lonely soul lying in bed at night not knowing his or her worth. So for all you guys out there you know who you are.. you are worthy.. you are loved… and you are important. The world needs you.. I need you. No one should go to bed without hearing or knowing that. And we all need a little reminding every now and then…

سمعنا في الفترة الأخيرة جمل كثيرة مثل “مكان المرأة الطبيعي“ أو رجوع الإمراءة صانعة الأجيال إلى ”مكانها الطبيعي”. و سمعنا أيضا جمل أخرى مثل “حين مكنا الإمرأة“ أو ”حين منحنى الإمرأة مناصب عليا “ و تعليقات أخرى مثيلة تستحق التفكير و الملاحظة من قبلنا نحن النساء.

 فأنا مثلا اليوم كإمرأة خاضت الحياة العملية و من ثم الحياة الزوجية و من ثم الحياة كأم عاملة و بعدها كأم ربت منزل أحب أن أوضح نقطة مهمة جدا من تجربتي البسيطة في الحياة و من قراءتي انه لا يوجد شيء اسمه “مكان المرأة الصحيح“ أو ”الطبيعي“. و أحب أن أأكد أيضا أنه لا يوجد شيء اسمه “تمكين المرأة” فالمرأة متمكنة بحد ذاتها و من غير أي عنصر خارجي أن تحقق أهدافها و طموحاتها بنفسها.

نرجع الآن لكلمة “مكان المرأة صانعة الأجيال الطبيعي“ أو ”الصحيح.” هذه الجملة بحد ذاتها تثير الحيرة و الجدل. فماذا عن الامرأة اللتي نجحت في تحقيق أحلامها المهنية و أدت كل ملتزماتها الوظيفية بكفآئة و وصلت إلى اعلى المناصب و تفوقت حتى على زملائها الذكور، هل يجوز لنا أن نقول عنها أنها ليست في مكانها الطبيعي او الصحيح؟ ومذا عن الإمرأة ربة المنزل اللتي وهبت حياتها للمنزل و لكن للأسف ولظروف خارجة عن طاقتها لم تستطع تخريج جيل ناجح؟ فمذا يكون وضع هذه الإمرأة و من المسؤول عن عدم تمكينها في المنزل؟

لذا يجب أن نستنتج أن ليست كل إمرأة عاملة او ذات منصب عالي خسرت بيتها أو فشلت في صناعة جيل ناجح، وليست كل إمرأة ربة منزل نجحت في تأسيس بيتها أو صنع جيل ناجح كما يقال. فليس بتاتا “مكان” المرأة مؤشر لنجاح او فشل المجتمع. ولكن الحب والتفهم و التشجيع و التعاون و التقدير المتاح لها في المنزل أو في العمل هو العنصر و المؤشر الوحيد الفعال الذي يبرز أجمل ما فيها. فالحب و التفهم و التعاون هو ما ينتج أفضل عطاء لأي إمرأة و ينعكس على عائلتها و مجتمعها. و من وصايا اسلامنا الذي كرم المرأة قوله تعالى “رفقا بالقوارير” فرفقا أيها المجتمع بالقوارير.. رفقا بأمهاتكم و أخواتكم و زوجاتكم و بناتكم و إن كان في شيء بسيط كأقوالكم و ألقابكم لهن.

تحياتي،

There is a saying that time heals all wounds. It is amazing how time to oneself leads to self re-discovery. I’ve been meaning to go back to writing, meaning to go back to reading, meaning to be more present with my family for a long time and yet I always managed to find an excuse to postpone it. Only now when I was forced by life to isolate and focus on myself did I truly begin to feel like me again.

It is important however to note that you are not a lost soul to discover yourself. Your “self” is already there but it is buried underneath all the external conditioning that one is exposed to. For me doing the meaningful things I loved such as reading, writing, mediation and prayer brought on that feeling of contentment and associated me with my true self. A self that I buried years and years before. It was the free things not the material things that gave me peace and freedom and it is what’s making me a happier person today. When all external factors are put aside, and that is exactly what this pandemic has done for me, the sky is the limit.

Today I am more me than ever. I’m dressing like myself again, eating like myself again, thinking the right thoughts and speaking from the heart rather than customizing my looks and words to better fit the outside world.

That being said there are still many challenges to overcome. Homeschooling the kids, comforting loved ones and constantly trying to keep everyone fed and comfortable and entertained during this lockdown / social distancing has also taken its toll on me. There were many days where I lost sleep altogether… some days I felt like a walking zombie constantly trying to make everyone else comfortable to the extent that my body forgot how to make itself comfortable… I urge you however to keep going and to give yourself some time to love and thank yourself…we’re all in this together… and that is why I decided to write today. I write to remember that some good comes out of the bad when we try not to focus on just the bad. So today please have the courage to identify with that truly wonderful self inside of you. Let’s continue working on this journey of finding ourselves again, to nurture it and give it the warm extension of love that we so easily give to others but fail to give to ourselves.

The things I did in the past which I got conditioned to believing were what brought me joy such as unnecessary purchases and unnecessary socializations actually deepened my feelings of unworthiness. I wasn’t the real me, I was merely a hollow reflection of what others expected me to be. I was transforming myself constantly to please everyone else while never really thinking of what pleased me or taking the time to breath and return to my true self. As a result I wasn’t truly genuine to myself or others by putting everyone and everything else ahead. Today a pandemic gave me the time to reflect and to isolate and as a result this site was born. It is a form of self reflection for me and I hope that in some humble way my humble writings reciprocates some kind of self reflection in the reader as well. The reason I didn’t write or read or enjoy exercising before was because the intention was all wrong. I associated everything I needed to do in the past as a chore, a duty, work… and that never gives a good or positive feeling. When I shifted my perspective through distancing and associated writing or exercising or even beautifying as a commitment I’m making to myself to please myself before anyone else, that is when I truly began to feel joy and freedom. I began to truly enjoy the present moment… That shift is what set me free. I no longer needed outward validation or acceptance. I accept and have faith in me by me.

For the first time in history the whole world stands together in solidarity. It took a disease to show us how ultimately vulnerable, naive and unequipped we truly are. Consequently it also showed us how similar we truly are. Here we are in the era of peak technological advancements and scientific discoveries standing powerless towards a disease.

Everyday there are news trying to explain what kind of disease this is or wether it has reached its peak, when to expect normal life again and wether or not we have found the cure. It is human nature to generate theories and conclusions to explain the inexplicable, but the truth is the more news we hear, the more confusing this pandemic seems to be. One thing is for sure though, that for the first time in history the whole world suffers as one. The rich, the poor, the European, the Asian, the Muslim, the Christian… we all suffer and struggle together. Neither money, background nor status has any relevance in front of this pandemic. Humanity appears as it truly is, vulnerable, fallible and susceptible. The universe we once knew, the one we thought we were in control of has changed in a blink of an eye. This pain, confusion & struggle we are enduring has somewhat united us and made us more human and more connected.

Will things ever go back to the way they were before? I highly doubt it. I pray that at least in terms of ourselves that we come out of this as better, humbler, more understanding human beings. Humans with more compassion more awareness and more understanding of others; especially those who struggled with issues far worse and way before this pandemic. We now know what it feels like to be afraid, to be confused and to be helpless and powerless. If we can take anything with us from this experience I hope it be love, peace and compassion towards each other and towards this earth regardless of our differences & backgrounds. We are all one. May God bless us all and continue to give us the awareness and guidance we need to grow, and the wisdom required to learn and evolve in this vast, wonderful yet unpredictable world.

One month and a half into our quarantine / social distancing during the corona pandemic and here is what I know I’ve learned for sure.

God sends us messages in the form of natural disasters, pain, loss, disease to awaken us physically and spiritually.

Believing, accepting and surrendering to what is gives us peace and strength to endure what seems to be unendurable.

We are all capable of being better humans and of learning from our mistakes if only we took the time to be silent and be still.

If we do not learn the lesson we will have to take the test again and the next time might be even harder.

Family is everything and when worse comes to worse there’s nothing but family. So cherish and love your family.

There’s more you can do in solitude than there ever was in a crowd.

Living superficially and materialistically drained us spiritually.

Money does not buy happiness nor health. 

Simplicity is key, less is more.

Social events we were conditioned to believe were important were in fact energy draining and the core of our underlying stressors in life.

It is during a crisis that you see the true colors of the people around you. 

It is ok and refreshing to spend time to think, to dream, to learn…

Children CAN learn from home.

With boredom creativity arises.

Uncertainty leads way to problem solving, innovation and imagination.

Things I miss:

Physical contact with extended family and loved ones.

Casual family gatherings and kids playing in the park. 

Going to the beach and smelling the fresh air. 

Having coffee with friends and not thinking twice before touching or holding something or someone. 

The possibility of traveling and seeing new places.

All these little things we took for granted we now realize were in fact the big things.

We will come out of this and we will recall the beings we once were and the beings we have now evolved.