تمكين المرأة

سمعنا في الفترة الأخيرة جمل كثيرة مثل “مكان المرأة الطبيعي“ أو رجوع الإمراءة صانعة الأجيال إلى ”مكانها الطبيعي”. و سمعنا أيضا جمل أخرى مثل “حين مكنا الإمرأة“ أو ”حين منحنى الإمرأة مناصب عليا “ و تعليقات أخرى مثيلة تستحق التفكير و الملاحظة من قبلنا نحن النساء.

 فأنا مثلا اليوم كإمرأة خاضت الحياة العملية و من ثم الحياة الزوجية و من ثم الحياة كأم عاملة و بعدها كأم ربت منزل أحب أن أوضح نقطة مهمة جدا من تجربتي البسيطة في الحياة و من قراءتي انه لا يوجد شيء اسمه “مكان المرأة الصحيح“ أو ”الطبيعي“. و أحب أن أأكد أيضا أنه لا يوجد شيء اسمه “تمكين المرأة” فالمرأة متمكنة بحد ذاتها و من غير أي عنصر خارجي أن تحقق أهدافها و طموحاتها بنفسها.

نرجع الآن لكلمة “مكان المرأة صانعة الأجيال الطبيعي“ أو ”الصحيح.” هذه الجملة بحد ذاتها تثير الحيرة و الجدل. فماذا عن الامرأة اللتي نجحت في تحقيق أحلامها المهنية و أدت كل ملتزماتها الوظيفية بكفآئة و وصلت إلى اعلى المناصب و تفوقت حتى على زملائها الذكور، هل يجوز لنا أن نقول عنها أنها ليست في مكانها الطبيعي او الصحيح؟ ومذا عن الإمرأة ربة المنزل اللتي وهبت حياتها للمنزل و لكن للأسف ولظروف خارجة عن طاقتها لم تستطع تخريج جيل ناجح؟ فمذا يكون وضع هذه الإمرأة و من المسؤول عن عدم تمكينها في المنزل؟

لذا يجب أن نستنتج أن ليست كل إمرأة عاملة او ذات منصب عالي خسرت بيتها أو فشلت في صناعة جيل ناجح، وليست كل إمرأة ربة منزل نجحت في تأسيس بيتها أو صنع جيل ناجح كما يقال. فليس بتاتا “مكان” المرأة مؤشر لنجاح او فشل المجتمع. ولكن الحب والتفهم و التشجيع و التعاون و التقدير المتاح لها في المنزل أو في العمل هو العنصر و المؤشر الوحيد الفعال الذي يبرز أجمل ما فيها. فالحب و التفهم و التعاون هو ما ينتج أفضل عطاء لأي إمرأة و ينعكس على عائلتها و مجتمعها. و من وصايا اسلامنا الذي كرم المرأة قوله تعالى “رفقا بالقوارير” فرفقا أيها المجتمع بالقوارير.. رفقا بأمهاتكم و أخواتكم و زوجاتكم و بناتكم و إن كان في شيء بسيط كأقوالكم و ألقابكم لهن.

تحياتي،

” Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?” -Charles Bukowsk

There is a saying that time heals all wounds. It is amazing how time to oneself leads to self re-discovery. I’ve been meaning to go back to writing, meaning to go back to reading, meaning to be more present with my family for a long time and yet I always managed to find an excuse to postpone it. Only now when I was forced by life to isolate and focus on myself did I truly begin to feel like me again.

It is important however to note that you are not a lost soul to discover yourself. Your “self” is already there but it is buried underneath all the external conditioning that one is exposed to. For me doing the meaningful things I loved such as reading, writing, mediation and prayer brought on that feeling of contentment and associated me with my true self. A self that I buried years and years before. It was the free things not the material things that gave me peace and freedom and it is what’s making me a happier person today. When all external factors are put aside, and that is exactly what this pandemic has done for me, the sky is the limit.

Today I am more me than ever. I’m dressing like myself again, eating like myself again, thinking the right thoughts and speaking from the heart rather than customizing my looks and words to better fit the outside world.

That being said there are still many challenges to overcome. Homeschooling the kids, comforting loved ones and constantly trying to keep everyone fed and comfortable and entertained during this lockdown / social distancing has also taken its toll on me. There were many days where I lost sleep altogether… some days I felt like a walking zombie constantly trying to make everyone else comfortable to the extent that my body forgot how to make itself comfortable… I urge you however to keep going and to give yourself some time to love and thank yourself…we’re all in this together… and that is why I decided to write today. I write to remember that some good comes out of the bad when we try not to focus on just the bad. So today please have the courage to identify with that truly wonderful self inside of you. Let’s continue working on this journey of finding ourselves again, to nurture it and give it the warm extension of love that we so easily give to others but fail to give to ourselves.

The things I did in the past which I got conditioned to believing were what brought me joy such as unnecessary purchases and unnecessary socializations actually deepened my feelings of unworthiness. I wasn’t the real me, I was merely a hollow reflection of what others expected me to be. I was transforming myself constantly to please everyone else while never really thinking of what pleased me or taking the time to breath and return to my true self. As a result I wasn’t truly genuine to myself or others by putting everyone and everything else ahead. Today a pandemic gave me the time to reflect and to isolate and as a result this site was born. It is a form of self reflection for me and I hope that in some humble way my humble writings reciprocates some kind of self reflection in the reader as well. The reason I didn’t write or read or enjoy exercising before was because the intention was all wrong. I associated everything I needed to do in the past as a chore, a duty, work… and that never gives a good or positive feeling. When I shifted my perspective through distancing and associated writing or exercising or even beautifying as a commitment I’m making to myself to please myself before anyone else, that is when I truly began to feel joy and freedom. I began to truly enjoy the present moment… That shift is what set me free. I no longer needed outward validation or acceptance. I accept and have faith in me by me.

The World We Now Live In

For the first time in history the whole world stands together in solidarity. It took a disease to show us how ultimately vulnerable, naive and unequipped we truly are. Consequently it also showed us how similar we truly are. Here we are in the era of peak technological advancements and scientific discoveries standing powerless towards a disease.

Everyday there are news trying to explain what kind of disease this is or wether it has reached its peak, when to expect normal life again and wether or not we have found the cure. It is human nature to generate theories and conclusions to explain the inexplicable, but the truth is the more news we hear, the more confusing this pandemic seems to be. One thing is for sure though, that for the first time in history the whole world suffers as one. The rich, the poor, the European, the Asian, the Muslim, the Christian… we all suffer and struggle together. Neither money, background nor status has any relevance in front of this pandemic. Humanity appears as it truly is, vulnerable, fallible and susceptible. The universe we once knew, the one we thought we were in control of has changed in a blink of an eye. This pain, confusion & struggle we are enduring has somewhat united us and made us more human and more connected.

Will things ever go back to the way they were before? I highly doubt it. I pray that at least in terms of ourselves that we come out of this as better, humbler, more understanding human beings. Humans with more compassion more awareness and more understanding of others; especially those who struggled with issues far worse and way before this pandemic. We now know what it feels like to be afraid, to be confused and to be helpless and powerless. If we can take anything with us from this experience I hope it be love, peace and compassion towards each other and towards this earth regardless of our differences & backgrounds. We are all one. May God bless us all and continue to give us the awareness and guidance we need to grow, and the wisdom required to learn and evolve in this vast, wonderful yet unpredictable world.

“What if we stopped celebrating being busy as a measurement of importance? What if instead we celebrated how much time we had spent listening, pondering, meditating, and enjoying time with the most important people in our lives?” – Greg McKeown

One month and a half into our quarantine / social distancing during the corona pandemic and here is what I know I’ve learned for sure.

God sends us messages in the form of natural disasters, pain, loss, disease to awaken us physically and spiritually.

Believing, accepting and surrendering to what is gives us peace and strength to endure what seems to be unendurable.

We are all capable of being better humans and of learning from our mistakes if only we took the time to be silent and be still.

If we do not learn the lesson we will have to take the test again and the next time might be even harder.

Family is everything and when worse comes to worse there’s nothing but family. So cherish and love your family.

There’s more you can do in solitude than there ever was in a crowd.

Living superficially and materialistically drained us spiritually.

Money does not buy happiness nor health. 

Simplicity is key, less is more.

Social events we were conditioned to believe were important were in fact energy draining and the core of our underlying stressors in life.

It is during a crisis that you see the true colors of the people around you. 

It is ok and refreshing to spend time to think, to dream, to learn…

Children CAN learn from home.

With boredom creativity arises.

Uncertainty leads way to problem solving, innovation and imagination.

Things I miss:

Physical contact with extended family and loved ones.

Casual family gatherings and kids playing in the park. 

Going to the beach and smelling the fresh air. 

Having coffee with friends and not thinking twice before touching or holding something or someone. 

The possibility of traveling and seeing new places.

All these little things we took for granted we now realize were in fact the big things.

We will come out of this and we will recall the beings we once were and the beings we have now evolved.

You Know You’re a Mom

You know you’re a mom when you have to think twice before saying yes to a great night out with friends (who will take care of the kids?)

You know you’re a mom when it’s not what you like to wear anymore but rather what would be most comfortable while handling the kids

You know you’re a mom when you become an expert at removing spits, spills and stains from any kind of fabric

You know you’re a mom when you can’t remember the last time you slept a continuous 8 hours

You know you’re a mom when you’ve bathed the kids, fed the baby, prepared lunch, put away laundry, checked your days schedule only to realize you’re still in your p.j’s!

You know you’re a mom when after a long day of lecturing and disciplining the kids, you start to miss them the second they go to bed

You know you’re a mom when you start to miss your own mom and feel that no words or actions could truly repay how much she sacrificed for you

You know you’re a mom when you suddenly start to realize how spoilt and pampered you were before you became a mom

You know you’re a mom when you start to see the softer and more vulnerable side of your own parents who you used to think of as super heros

You know you’re a mom when it’s more important to you how the kids will react to a situation or event before you even start to consider you’re own feelings about the matter

You know you’re a mom when there’s this constant feeling of guilt hovering over you every time you are somewhere without the kids

You know you’re a mom when you can’t imagine how life was before being a mom

You know you’re a mom when you can find faults in every school, hospital or playground. 

You just know you’re a mom when while writing this you are also thinking about upcoming doctor appointments for the kids, school uniforms to lay out, and another days meal plan to prepare…