Author: ohlala80

So here we are in the first month of the year 2021 and life continues to surprise us. An unprecedented riot took place in the American capitol, the new US president received office and the studies and vaccines for Covid are ongoing. Countries are going back into lockdown and one can’t help but wonder if amongst all this chaos will life ever go back to normal.

At the beginning of this pandemic, everything was still new and unprecedented, we believed the crisis was just going to take weeks or a month max. It was inconceivable that something like this would take this long and cost this many lives… Yet here we are almost a year later still struggling to breath through our masks, still wary of touching and being close to others and just when we thought things can’t get worse the virus starts mutating. This has been hard on us as adults and I hate to imagine what it’s doing to our children. Since the past year our children have been ordered to keep wearing their masks, to over sanitize and over wash their hands, to stay away from common playgrounds and friends and to, without prior notice, expect to return to homeschool because another student in their class who otherwise seemed fine, tested positive. No stability nor consistency in life anymore. Children today are living with the notion that the world they once ran and played carefree in with their friends is now a dirty place filled with germs and diseases.

I didn’t want this entry to be another sad recap of how life has become nowadays, but it’s hard focusing on anything else especially with the introduction of the new vaccines. Last year when this pandemic started taking control of our lives, the first thing I desperately wanted was for a vaccine to be produced. I was sure that as soon as there was a vaccine that this horrible nightmare would end, that there would be a magic cure to end it all. However, once the vaccines started emerging I started to get skeptical and the media as usual hasn’t made it any easier either. It was almost as if the media was determined to keep people on edge.

Today all around me family and friends are rushing to get the vaccine. People are scared and desperate for a way out of this mess and they are told that the vaccine is the only solution. The funny thing is I prayed and asked God for a sign on what to do regarding the vaccine and just when I finally felt that I was going to give the vaccine a try, I experienced my own brush with covid. It was like life wanted me to experience the matter before opting for the vaccine. During my isolation and as I started to slowly recover, I had a lot of free time to myself so I did more research online and watched several discussions by doctors on the vaccinations. I learned that vaccines usually take years to be approved and that despite the claims today that the vaccines being administered for covid are effective in preventing the disease to a high degree, the truth of the matter is there is still a lot we don’t know. Doctors still don’t know how long the efficiency of these vaccines are and what the long term side effects will be. The general consensus though is that the vaccines are generally safe, will provide a high rate of immunity, and will prevent any need for hospitalization should you still contract the virus. Countries are encouraging people to take the vaccine and some people feel they’re left with no other choice. It is believed, as with other vaccines in the past, that they could be the start to the end of this pandemic. It is also believed that the vaccine offers maximum protection to yourself and others. Sounds promising doesn’t it? I keep wondering though, that with so much still unknown about this new pandemic how were scientists able to generate a vaccine so quickly they believe to be the “cure”? If you still don’t know everything about the disease then how do you know exactly how to cure it? New strains of covid seem to be developing quickly, so now I’m also wondering wether the vaccine that is said to be effective today will still be effective next month or the month after it while the virus continues mutating?

It is a fact that people today are becoming more and lenient and more negligent towards following the proper health regulations and proper social distancing measures. As a result the disease is spreading far worse than ever before and several countries are locking down again. Hospitals everywhere are working at full capacity, often turning back patients and delaying major surgeries due to shortage of staff and supplies. My heart really goes out to the many people who got infected and needed hospitalization and are suffering far worse effects than I am. It also makes sense to me that health care providers exposed to hundreds of patients on a daily basis are encouraged to take the vaccine to stay protected. I can tell you from my experience that wether you are high risk or not the disease doesn’t just affect your body, it affects you emotionally as well. Being shunned away in isolation for many days and not allowed any contact with family and loved ones isn’t easy. I now know for sure that this is not something I want to go through again. So would the vaccine, despite being experimental be the right choice for me? Fortunately now I still have a few more months to decide after developing a natural immunity. The fact is vaccines since the beginning of the history of vaccines always caused a riot amongst people and there were always people who opposed them out of fear of the unknown. Today if you are brave enough to choose to take a fairly new, still experimental vaccine that promises to give herd immunity then I salute you. Good for you. And If you choose like me to wait a bit and see, then I fully understand and support you as well. What I don’t like seeing these days is a war arising amongst those who took the vaccine and those who didn’t and vice versa. Today many people who took the vaccine are acting superior and shaming or criticizing those who didn’t. We also see those who didn’t take the vaccine shaming and instilling fear in those who did take it. If this pandemic has taught us anything at all it would be that each person has to do what they believe is the right thing to do to protect themselves and those around them. There is no right or wrong way, this is all still so new to us and we are still learning new things everyday. This isn’t the time to judge. Some people are easy to comply with the solutions presented before them while other people prefer to take their time. Some people are skeptical about trying an experimental option regardless of what’s being promoted about it while others are willing to take the plunge. When we shame or criticize and coerce others to do what we think is right (our way or the highway) we are taking full responsibly of the outcome of what may happen to that person who was hesitant yet felt pressured to act in a certain way because of us. So before pointing fingers at one another and acting superior lets look at the facts again. The vaccines are still fairly new and new discoveries are still being discovered everyday. Vaccines may start to show a decline in the spread of the disease and could provide a hundred percent protection from need for hospitalization which will lessen the strain on the health care system. That being said, nothing comes without risks wether taking the vaccine or not. By taking it you are willing to try something new and I applaud you for doing that, and by deciding not to take it you are also willing to remain at higher risk of contracting the disease. Bottom line is there is no right or wrong way here, both decisions have their pros and cons. For those taking the vaccine though please keep in mind that you will still be expected to wear masks, to social distance and to practice healthy hygiene. Life will not go back to normal for you right away and the vaccine will not exempt you from practicing all the safety precautions you were expected to practice before. So please lets let go of this need to control and enforce our opinions on others. Why would you want to burden yourself with the added responsibility of making other people’s decisions for them and why would you want to make other people’s business your own? Don’t we all have enough on our plate already? So in conclusion, every person needs to do their own research and make their own conscious decisions like I’m trying to do here. It really isn’t anyone’s right to judge or shame those who choose to do things differently, it really isn’t about you. Do you really want to live in a world that on top of racial inequality, sexism and pandemics is creating divisions and conflicts amongst people over a vaccine??!

Usually I like to start my entries with a thoughtful quote. A quote or a saying that I come across wether through a book, a sign, in a fortune cookie or film. A quote or saying that feels like a message directed directly at me, so relevant to what I’m going through in life. A wise person once said that there’s no such thing as ‘random’ or a ‘coincidence’ and that everything is intentional and serves a purpose, I believe these quotes and sayings are no exception. 

Here it is, the last entry of the year. Yes 2020 hasn’t failed to surprise all of us and take us completely off guard. As frustrating as this year has been for all of us it has also been a year of self reflection and self discovery. For me personally this was the year that despite several lows has also lead to the birth of this humble website of mine. 2020 has re-ignited in me my passion for reading and written expression and I do look forwards to elaborating on those passions of mine in the coming years… Perhaps this site will be a stepping stone on to something wonderful, something I can look back on with a sense of accomplishment. So as a tribute to my last entry of the year I would like for it to be a positive one cause gosh do we need some positivity right now and some fairy dust…

First, looking back at 2020 and all that we’ve endured this year it’s safe to say it hasn’t been easy for anyone. During hard times it is easy to become a victim of anxiety, depression and pessimism. It is easy today to pinpoint the unjust actions humans inflict on one another and on this earth. It is easy to get frustrated at the bewildering influx of negative news which we receive on an hourly basis. It is also evident that we are being bombarded by misinformation through endless channels of social media which instead of guiding us are making us more lost and confused. Add to that a pandemic and it’s easy to sum up the world we live in today and call it a disaster. However just as terrible things may seem, last week, towards the end of our short family staycation at Dubai Parks resort, I experienced a small unconditional act of kindness. The kind of kindness that reminds you that decent human beings still exist in this world and hence the quotes I’m about to share:

 “The World Is Full Of Nice People. If You Don’t Find One Be One.” 

“A Simple Act Of Kindness Creates An Endless Ripple.”

It was towards the end of our short family trip and we had already walked and played around most of the theme parks for hours. We decided to make one last stop at the designer outlet mall next to the theme parks before heading home. At the mall we spent even more hours in and out of shops, finding and fitting endless clothes on the kids. Towards the end of our shopping spree I felt exhausted and light headed. It had definitely been a long and very active day and my body was finally giving in. I signaled to my husband that I will find somewhere to sit until they were done and I headed to the nearest cafe and just crashed on one of the chairs. I felt nauseous and breathless and faint (I partly blame the face mask for that too, when can we get rid of those??). Within minutes an Indian waiter suddenly appears and he looks at me with concern and asks if I was alright. I told him I was alright and that I was just a little tired and if it were okay to just sit there for a while till my family comes. The waiter says of course and insisted on rushing to get me some water. When he returned with the water he also had a glass of what I thought was lemonade next to it. He tells me to have the water and to also try his lime with honey remedy which he prepared especially for me so I could feel better. I thanked the kind waiter and I had some of his chilled honey lime drink which was delicious I may add and I did start to regain some energy. I think it was a mixture of both the drink and the waiter’s kind gesture that made me feel better. When my family came I got ready to leave and went to pay for the water and the drink however the waiter firmly refused to take a dime. I asked him why he was refusing and he insisted that he saw how tired I was and just wanted to help. I didn’t know the price of the drink as he whipped it up for me himself however I placed what I owed for the water along with a small tip for him on the counter and I hurried to leave before he could reject the money once more. All the way back home I felt humbled and grateful to this kind, generous waiter who knew nothing about me. All he knew was that I was a tired person and he didn’t hesitate to offer help in the best way he could without any conditions and without any expectations in return, he just chose to be kind. The waiter could have easily told me that in order to have a seat I had to order something from the menu. The waiter could have easily recomended a drink for me with a price printed next to it, however this waiter chose to go out of his way to offer assistance and for that I am truly humbled and grateful. I wish I could see see more people act like that. The world would be a better place if we chose to be more kind to one another. I would also love for good things to happen to that simple waiter who was ready to spend on my drinks from his very own simple paycheck. I returned home feeling better inside and I slept with complete gratitude in my heart. When we stop and try to pause amidst our chaotic lives, just like I had paused at that cafe, we can truly find beauty, love and kindness all around. It only takes a pause, a moment, a presence. And with that note I say thank you and goodbye to 2020. Thank you 2020 for challenging me and pushing me to discover more about myself, my family and my life. Thank you for bringing me closer to my faith and for finally encouraging me to go live with my writing. Thank you for making me appreciate my country so much more and finally thank you to my few loyal readers who encourage me by reading and commenting on my simple entries. To conclude this entry I leave you with a final quote from the great teachings of Islam which again signify the importance of kindness:

اَحْبِبْ لِغَیْرِکَ مَا تُحِبُّ لِنَفْسِکَ وَ اکْرَہٗ لَہٗ مَا تَـکْرَہٗ لِنَفْسِکَ

“Love for others whatever you love for yourself and dislike for others what you dislike for yourself.”

So the next time you’re out or amidst family or at work try to pause and reflect and if you can’t find kindness then you be the kindness. Don’t hesitate to share a smile, a helping hand or a word of encouragement… be the reason someone believes that the world is still alright, especially now, let’s make this world we share a kinder place for all 🙂

With the current displeasing events circulating France around the mockery of Islam through some distasteful drawings and the country’s president dismissing the act simply as a form of freedom of speech, I started wondering what exactly constitutes freedom of speech? In fact, what is freedom really? Is it freedom when we ridicule different ethnicities? Is it freedom when we stereotype genders? And is it freedom when we scorn a faith practiced by millions of people around the world? Where do we draw the line between freedom and discourtesy? When does ones freedom stop while another persons begins?

Lets see what the scholars have to say. According to:

Socrates – (Greek philosopher 470 – 399 BC) “To find yourself, think for yourself.”

 John Locke – English philosopher (1632-1704) “Being all equal and independent, no one ought to harm another in his life, health, liberty, or possessions.”

Jean-Jacques Rousseau – Genevan Philosopher (1712 – 1778) “Man is born free and everywhere he is in chains.” 

Jean-Paul Sartre – French Philosoper (1905 – 1980) “Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.”

So if we start from the very beginning, according to Socrates who is credited as the founder of western philosophy, one of the first forms of human consiousness is thought. In his statement, “To Find yourself, think for yourself.” we understand that through thinking we become self aware and self conscious which makes us accountable for all our actions. Centuries later when we look at what Locke says “Being all equal and independent, no one ought to harm another in his life, health, liberty, or possessions.” So we see that respecting another’s life, health and possessions is linked with ones equality and independence. Rousseau, a century later affirms by saying, “Man is born free and everywhere he is in chains.” that there is simply no freedom without restriction. Finally I added Sartre’s statement, “Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.” which supports the theory that freedom is a form of condemnation as with it comes great responsibility.

These are all western scholars, the last scholar being French, from the very country that ignited this war on freedom. History tells us through scholars and current events that freedom cannot exist without definitive boundries. That with freedom comes great personal responsibility, thought and awareness of ones self and others. That with any freedom be it freedom of speech or expression comes an accountability of what and how we express it and to what extent that affects others. When any freedom threatens the well being of others wether mentally, physically or socially then it is not freedom anymore, it is an invasion. So how could some great modern world leaders today, after all these studies and events made by their own scholars and history, still choose to dismiss the obvious ambushing and disrespect of other people under the name of “freedom of speech”. How could a country so advanced, modern and refined, a country that has undergone wars and revolutions in the pursuit of freedom misdefine the very essence they’ve been fighting for? Are we living in a world where freedom of speech is exempt from any obligations towards the people receiving it as long as those people belong to somewhere else?

We all come into a marriage or a relationship full of positive hopes, dreams and possibilites in mind. To build a future together based on a foundation of love and mutual understanding. To always be there for one another not just physically but emotionally as well. We come into our relationships with an abundance of love thinking that love conquers all. Especially when entering a relationship at a young age we are wide eyed and full of hope and frankly unrealistic expectations. We are usually fresh graduates at the start of our career paths, full of potential and positivity. All this is grand and beautiful the first few months or years… however eventually life hits us hard. Many times the things we expect and the things that present themselves before us in our relationships and in our lives are conflicting and contradicting to the big dreams we had planned in our minds. The dreams we believed in and dreamt of in our relationships or specifically in our marriages slowly start drifting into a different kind of reality. A harsh reality strained by life’s many stressors such as financial instability, work overload, exhaustion and even children. Inevitably we are pulled apart. Lost in life’s harsh realities we often lose ourselves and each other. For the unlucky ones communication perishes and each partner is left to fend for him or herself… slowly healing themselves and supporting themselves by themselves. Many couples drift apart and the love that was thought would conquer all slowly perishes away into another kind of reality. Each partner starts to feel unappreciated, misunderstood and unvalidated. Depression and lonliness become a factor and validation and self worth are seeked elsewhere.

In some of the worst scenarios infidelity occurs. What’s worse is it occurs even while love still exists. The spouses are together physically but are separate emotionally. Most couples seeking advice are advised to find happiness elsewhere away from the strained relationship perhaps by pursuing a hobby, creating a small business, taking a holiday or doing volunteer work… And all that is grand however what ends up happening is that each spouse receives doses of happiness and gratification from outside factors rather than from within the relationship. While gaining outward gratification they continue to inwardly drift apart. Here is where my question arises. Are couples doing each other justice by each striving to find outward gratification and validation rather than work on achieving that with each other? Isn’t being in a relationship a prerequisite for exchanging gratification and validation amongst each other and not from external factors?

Today in the west lots of couples live together without marriage perhaps for this very reason. Couples no longer want a legal obligation towards one another. Couples are together yet they are also not. Is this where we’re headed? I hope not.

I still believe that love exists even with this huge inevitible rift happening in relationships. Otherwise why are we still together? Why are we still binded to each other through good and through bad and in sickness and in health? Why are we still sacrificing? Isn’t that the epitom of love? Even if the presence is more physical than emotional it is a presence. Perhaps when we give each other the space we need to grow and rediscover and reestablish our lost selves we will find each other again. As humans we aren’t meant to be alone or to do everything on our own and one day we will look no further than into our own relationships to find our partners right there struggling just the same waiting for validation. And we will give them that validation, why? well because we love them and love does conquer all.

Today I called everyone I care about, asked about them and told them I that I loved them and that I cared about them. It was overwhelming to me how much people needed to hear that. Today we live in an uncertain world during uncertain times and we are all under tremendous stress and we are all in some way crumbling. Telling the people you care about that you love them and that you care about them and that you are there for them does take a bit of load off their shoulders… there’s nothing sadder than knowing a lonely soul lying in bed at night not knowing his or her worth. So for all you guys out there you know who you are.. you are worthy.. you are loved… and you are important. The world needs you.. I need you. No one should go to bed without hearing or knowing that. And we all need a little reminding every now and then…

سمعنا في الفترة الأخيرة جمل كثيرة مثل “مكان المرأة الطبيعي“ أو رجوع الإمراءة صانعة الأجيال إلى ”مكانها الطبيعي”. و سمعنا أيضا جمل أخرى مثل “حين مكنا الإمرأة“ أو ”حين منحنى الإمرأة مناصب عليا “ و تعليقات أخرى مثيلة تستحق التفكير و الملاحظة من قبلنا نحن النساء.

 فأنا مثلا اليوم كإمرأة خاضت الحياة العملية و من ثم الحياة الزوجية و من ثم الحياة كأم عاملة و بعدها كأم ربت منزل أحب أن أوضح نقطة مهمة جدا من تجربتي البسيطة في الحياة و من قراءتي انه لا يوجد شيء اسمه “مكان المرأة الصحيح“ أو ”الطبيعي“. و أحب أن أأكد أيضا أنه لا يوجد شيء اسمه “تمكين المرأة” فالمرأة متمكنة بحد ذاتها و من غير أي عنصر خارجي أن تحقق أهدافها و طموحاتها بنفسها.

نرجع الآن لكلمة “مكان المرأة صانعة الأجيال الطبيعي“ أو ”الصحيح.” هذه الجملة بحد ذاتها تثير الحيرة و الجدل. فماذا عن الامرأة اللتي نجحت في تحقيق أحلامها المهنية و أدت كل ملتزماتها الوظيفية بكفآئة و وصلت إلى اعلى المناصب و تفوقت حتى على زملائها الذكور، هل يجوز لنا أن نقول عنها أنها ليست في مكانها الطبيعي او الصحيح؟ ومذا عن الإمرأة ربة المنزل اللتي وهبت حياتها للمنزل و لكن للأسف ولظروف خارجة عن طاقتها لم تستطع تخريج جيل ناجح؟ فمذا يكون وضع هذه الإمرأة و من المسؤول عن عدم تمكينها في المنزل؟

لذا يجب أن نستنتج أن ليست كل إمرأة عاملة او ذات منصب عالي خسرت بيتها أو فشلت في صناعة جيل ناجح، وليست كل إمرأة ربة منزل نجحت في تأسيس بيتها أو صنع جيل ناجح كما يقال. فليس بتاتا “مكان” المرأة مؤشر لنجاح او فشل المجتمع. ولكن الحب والتفهم و التشجيع و التعاون و التقدير المتاح لها في المنزل أو في العمل هو العنصر و المؤشر الوحيد الفعال الذي يبرز أجمل ما فيها. فالحب و التفهم و التعاون هو ما ينتج أفضل عطاء لأي إمرأة و ينعكس على عائلتها و مجتمعها. و من وصايا اسلامنا الذي كرم المرأة قوله تعالى “رفقا بالقوارير” فرفقا أيها المجتمع بالقوارير.. رفقا بأمهاتكم و أخواتكم و زوجاتكم و بناتكم و إن كان في شيء بسيط كأقوالكم و ألقابكم لهن.

تحياتي،

There is a saying that time heals all wounds. It is amazing how time to oneself leads to self re-discovery. I’ve been meaning to go back to writing, meaning to go back to reading, meaning to be more present with my family for a long time and yet I always managed to find an excuse to postpone it. Only now when I was forced by life to isolate and focus on myself did I truly begin to feel like me again.

It is important however to note that you are not a lost soul to discover yourself. Your “self” is already there but it is buried underneath all the external conditioning that one is exposed to. For me doing the meaningful things I loved such as reading, writing, mediation and prayer brought on that feeling of contentment and associated me with my true self. A self that I buried years and years before. It was the free things not the material things that gave me peace and freedom and it is what’s making me a happier person today. When all external factors are put aside, and that is exactly what this pandemic has done for me, the sky is the limit.

Today I am more me than ever. I’m dressing like myself again, eating like myself again, thinking the right thoughts and speaking from the heart rather than customizing my looks and words to better fit the outside world.

That being said there are still many challenges to overcome. Homeschooling the kids, comforting loved ones and constantly trying to keep everyone fed and comfortable and entertained during this lockdown / social distancing has also taken its toll on me. There were many days where I lost sleep altogether… some days I felt like a walking zombie constantly trying to make everyone else comfortable to the extent that my body forgot how to make itself comfortable… I urge you however to keep going and to give yourself some time to love and thank yourself…we’re all in this together… and that is why I decided to write today. I write to remember that some good comes out of the bad when we try not to focus on just the bad. So today please have the courage to identify with that truly wonderful self inside of you. Let’s continue working on this journey of finding ourselves again, to nurture it and give it the warm extension of love that we so easily give to others but fail to give to ourselves.

The things I did in the past which I got conditioned to believing were what brought me joy such as unnecessary purchases and unnecessary socializations actually deepened my feelings of unworthiness. I wasn’t the real me, I was merely a hollow reflection of what others expected me to be. I was transforming myself constantly to please everyone else while never really thinking of what pleased me or taking the time to breath and return to my true self. As a result I wasn’t truly genuine to myself or others by putting everyone and everything else ahead. Today a pandemic gave me the time to reflect and to isolate and as a result this site was born. It is a form of self reflection for me and I hope that in some humble way my humble writings reciprocates some kind of self reflection in the reader as well. The reason I didn’t write or read or enjoy exercising before was because the intention was all wrong. I associated everything I needed to do in the past as a chore, a duty, work… and that never gives a good or positive feeling. When I shifted my perspective through distancing and associated writing or exercising or even beautifying as a commitment I’m making to myself to please myself before anyone else, that is when I truly began to feel joy and freedom. I began to truly enjoy the present moment… That shift is what set me free. I no longer needed outward validation or acceptance. I accept and have faith in me by me.