There is a saying that time heals all wounds. It is amazing how time to oneself leads to self re-discovery. I’ve been meaning to go back to writing, meaning to go back to reading, meaning to be more present with my family for a long time and yet I always managed to find an excuse to postpone it. Only now when I was forced by life to isolate and focus on myself did I truly begin to feel like me again.

It is important however to note that you are not a lost soul to discover yourself. Your “self” is already there but it is buried underneath all the external conditioning that one is exposed to. For me doing the meaningful things I loved such as reading, writing, mediation and prayer brought on that feeling of contentment and associated me with my true self. A self that I buried years and years before. It was the free things not the material things that gave me peace and freedom and it is what’s making me a happier person today. When all external factors are put aside, and that is exactly what this pandemic has done for me, the sky is the limit.

Today I am more me than ever. I’m dressing like myself again, eating like myself again, thinking the right thoughts and speaking from the heart rather than customizing my looks and words to better fit the outside world.

That being said there are still many challenges to overcome. Homeschooling the kids, comforting loved ones and constantly trying to keep everyone fed and comfortable and entertained during this lockdown / social distancing has also taken its toll on me. There were many days where I lost sleep altogether… some days I felt like a walking zombie constantly trying to make everyone else comfortable to the extent that my body forgot how to make itself comfortable… I urge you however to keep going and to give yourself some time to love and thank yourself…we’re all in this together… and that is why I decided to write today. I write to remember that some good comes out of the bad when we try not to focus on just the bad. So today please have the courage to identify with that truly wonderful self inside of you. Let’s continue working on this journey of finding ourselves again, to nurture it and give it the warm extension of love that we so easily give to others but fail to give to ourselves.

The things I did in the past which I got conditioned to believing were what brought me joy such as unnecessary purchases and unnecessary socializations actually deepened my feelings of unworthiness. I wasn’t the real me, I was merely a hollow reflection of what others expected me to be. I was transforming myself constantly to please everyone else while never really thinking of what pleased me or taking the time to breath and return to my true self. As a result I wasn’t truly genuine to myself or others by putting everyone and everything else ahead. Today a pandemic gave me the time to reflect and to isolate and as a result this site was born. It is a form of self reflection for me and I hope that in some humble way my humble writings reciprocates some kind of self reflection in the reader as well. The reason I didn’t write or read or enjoy exercising before was because the intention was all wrong. I associated everything I needed to do in the past as a chore, a duty, work… and that never gives a good or positive feeling. When I shifted my perspective through distancing and associated writing or exercising or even beautifying as a commitment I’m making to myself to please myself before anyone else, that is when I truly began to feel joy and freedom. I began to truly enjoy the present moment… That shift is what set me free. I no longer needed outward validation or acceptance. I accept and have faith in me by me.